The Three Doors

I am standing here and the're three doors in front of me. I am not sure which door to open first and am not sure why they are here. I decide to open the first door and it is the door to the past. As I open it up I see a clock that is just spinning round and round so fast. It is dark and windy, but I see things, things that are my past. They are all spinning by me so fast like the clock that is just there. Faces and places and people that I have known. I see my mom and dad and it makes me stop to think that almost like the clock time does pass by us so fast. I shut the door and go to open the second door and it is the door of the present. There is a clock here too, but it is just ticking normal. I hear the seconds ticking and I only see what is happening right now at this moment as the clock ticks, ticks, ticks. I shut this door and open the next door and find nothing but blackness for this is the door of the future. There is that same clock only it isn't ticking or spinning it is stopped for I don't see what the future holds. They say for every door that closes there is another one to open. No one truly knows what the future holds or where and what will happen in the next day or year or ten years. I do know that God is always there for me no matter what and even though sometimes I am scared at what the future holds I know God will lead me through it for he doesn't give you more than you can handle. I will take one day at a time and live as it is my last and love my family and spend as much time with them as I can and know and trust in God.

A Day Together

Last Friday was hubby and my anniversary and we actually had a day together! We decided to go into Reno to this park that we never been to go check out the museum that they have there. My oldest son was off that day and he said he would pick up his brother and sister from school so that we wouldn't have to worry about how they were going to get home or that we would have to wait to go into Reno after we picked them up. We gave him some money so they could go to the movies and have dinner, so it was kind of a treat for them as well. We get to the park and wasn't sure exactly were we should go, it is a pretty big park! In the museum they have two parts, one is the museum with all of Wilbur Mays stuff. He left the land to Reno and they made this park out of it. The guy was a rancher and a world traveler. The other part of the museum they change the theme. We didn't know before we got there what was going to be there we just wanted to check it out because we never been there. The theme was Sherlock Holmes. The gal was telling us they wanted to try something different and something that would attract adults and teens. So what it was is a hands on where you go through and read the chapters, write down any clues you may have and they also had little cheat boxes that you could also get more clues from, plus after his chapter they had a room you go into to try and see if you could get clues from the room. It was pretty cool! There was eight chapters in all and when you get down to the last chapter you wait until "Mr Holmes" opens the door for you to come into his den to found out if you solved the crime! I really enjoy it, didn't solve the crime, but it was like after you talk to Mr Holmes and he tells you who did it, you are like Oh yeah I should have got that! It was really a lot of fun and I look forward to taking my kids next summer and who knows what the theme they will have! The day was really nice and it was really great to have a day alone together and celebrating 27 years!

Growing Pains

Last post I wrote about how my kids were growing up and how time is going by so fast, well on that note: My youngest son is going to confirmation classes and he missed the first two so he has some catching up to do. The other day I was out watering and he came out to keep my company, at least that is what I thought. He than says mom I have something to ask you, Oh boy here it comes! He ask if he could take his skate board to school so that after school he can go from school to church for confirmation class. I thought about it because it isn't to far from the school to church and there isn't any major high way he would have to cross or anything so I told him it was okay with me, but ask your dad what he thinks too. My husband said he was okay with it as long as I was okay with it. I told my son you call me as you are leaving school and than call me when you get to church. Well I ended up calling him as he was leaving school, but he did remember to call me when he got to church. I told him I would pick him up after confirmation because I didn't want him skating home because there is a major highway on the way home. I picked him up and he ask if I could take his friend home who also had his skate board so I did. This is like a big deal for me the whole thing of letting my son skate board from school to church. I am trying to let him be a little more independent but I have always been an over protected parent or at least that is what I have been told. I can't help it there are just to many crazy people out there that I have to keep my guard up after all I am supposed to protect my children! Another thing was my husband and I are going to be celebrating our anniversary and I was thinking I don't want to leave my kids home alone to long, but my prayer was answered without me even asking! My oldest son said he was off work on Friday if we wanted him to stay with his brother and sister so we could spend the whole day together he would even pick them up from school. I know they are 17 and 13, but I just wouldn't feel comfortable be gone for hours knowing that they were home alone, it is just the way I am! I am trying to change or not so much change just trying to let go a little so they feel like I trust them even though I have told them I trust them I just don't trust others. To many things could happen and I try to tell them I am the way I am because I love them so much! Yes growing up is painful, but I am not sure if it is more painful for them or ME!!

Life Goes On..

Here it is the middle of September already. The summer is over, the kids are back in school and I wonder where does the time go? How fast it seems to pass me by. It is hard to believe my husband and I will be celebrating 27 years of marriage on Friday! Sometimes it seems we were just married and it is hard to believe 27 years have gone by. So many changes in 27 years and sometimes I wonder how did the years slip on by. Would have I done anything different? You the if I knew than what I know now kind of thing? I know things happen for a reason, but it still makes me wonder. I stand back and see my kids are growing up before my eyes and think back wasn't it just yesterday they were babies? It is hard to believe my oldest will be 24 in December and it is funny when he tells me he feels old! What does that make me? I remember when he was born and the joy that we felt our first born! Now he has grown into this fine young man and we are so proud of him! Our daughter has two more years of High School and our youngest well be going to High School next year. Wow where in the world has time gone? It seems to just fly right by me and I have to stop and think. So many changes. My parents are both gone now and that is still hard to ponder. The other day my husband told me it was grandparents day it made me cry. Than he said Kyle wanted to get flowers to put on his mothers grave so I thought that was a great idea. My mom is resting up at Tahoe so they couldn't go there. Life goes on and you try to live each day like it is your last, because you never know what tomorrow will bring. I thank God for my family and I pray I will be around for a long time to see them get married and have kids of there own what a great joy that will be.

Starting Over

My oldest son started dating again and his new girl friend is a friend from high school that we had met. Now when he told me he was dating I was really happy for him, because he hasn't been himself for a while, well since is ex broke off the engagement. Still not sure why that all came about, but I figure it wasn't meant to be. Anyway so my husband ask, " So when do we get to met her"? And the usual answer is I don't know I will have to set something up. I know it is always trying when one has to met "The Parents"! I know times have changed, but it is hard to understand how you break up with someone you loved and you still can be friends. My son is dating someone new and the ex is dating someone new and they still go out with their friends and their new dates. I think it is great that they can still be friends, but it would be odd to me to be around someone I really cared about and to see them with someone else. I don't know maybe I am putting more into this than I need to I am just thinking when I was that age if I broke up with someone that was the end. I had tried to be friends and it just never worked out. I guess times have changed and things just are different from when I was young. It has been several years since we met this girl and she had a lot of issues back then that my son said she has got her life in order and isn't that girl that she was in high school. She is two years younger and is going to college. I know my son is not really looking forward to the whole meeting the parents thing. I know I am not going to get myself involved like I did last time and they are just dating and I hope he doesn't rush into things although last time they were together two years when they decided to get engaged. Only time will tell and the main thing is I want my son to be happy. Starting over is never easy when you have been with someone else for a while, but it seems like they are both coping with it and are still friends so who am I to judge anyway.

My New Favorite Thing.

I bought this bird feeder for myself for mothers day and had my husband fill with bird seed and put it up for me. I had him put it up by my lilac bush which is right in front of my living room window. So this was May. It sat there for a very long time with no birds coming to feed. I was beginning to wonder if the birds would ever find the feeder or not. I finally saw a bird feeding in July! It was so cool! Than more birds came and now I can't believe how many come to feed and how often they feed! It is so fun to watch them and listen to them. They come from dawn until dusk and I can't believe how fast the bird seed goes! I will have four to five birds on the feeder and about ten to twelve more in the bush. Sometimes they fight! My son was over the other day and said it sounds like you have a bunch of monkeys in the bush! That is how noisy they can be! It is fun to sit and watch them when they get their feathers all ruffled up and screaming at each other. My husband bought me this magazine "Nature's Garden" and in this magazine it tells what kind of plants to plant to create a back yard bird buffet. So my plan is to put in bushes and other plants and also flowers. They have this one section of flowers that humming birds like and also butterflies. There is also a project for my husband since he likes to make things. So I am pretty excited about my new favorite thing and it is stress relieving!

First Day Back To School

Yesterday was the first day back to school. I think they were excited and sad. Excited to see their friends, but sad that summer has ended. Of course they both bring home all these papers that the parents have to sign and laugh and say Mom you have home work! I think to they are a little excited because they get to wear their new clothes and shoes and they both had their hair colored black! My son has one of his friends in one class and another in another class so he was glad about that. Both of them are in choir this year which I was surprise my son did hand bells last year. At least they gave us a list of dates they they will be performing so that I can check ahead of time and make sure I have those nights off. For some reason they are always on a Tuesday night and although I don't work every Tuesday it seems that the dates fall on the Tuesday I do work. The first one is October 27th and yes it is a Tuesday so I check and what do you know it is a Tuesday I am off! Haven't been through all the papers yet and haven't sign any but probably will be busy on my days off signing all the papers and putting all the supply list for the classes together that is another thing when you get all these list and every class you have to have this and that! I remember when I was in school and the school supplied most of the stuff, boy how time has changed, but yet stayed the same. Well hopefully this will be a better year!!

Last Day Of Vacation

This is my last day of freedom! So sad but true I have to go back to work tomorrow. I mean I really could get use to this not having to go to work thing with no problem, except for the fact my bills wouldn't get paid, so it is back to the grinding stone tomorrow. Not sure what we are going to do today as my kids are getting their hair colored black. Yes I finally gave in. So here is what we did this week:

On Sunday we went into Reno. We went to the Summit mall and of course had to go to Hot Topic. It's a pretty cool store with unusual fashion, but they always have band T-Shirts and my son wanted to get Marylin Manson shirt. We had to stop at star bucks and they had an art show going on so we checked that out. We ended up leaving there to go to another mall. We went to Legends which is a new mall and the biggest reason for going over there was they have the Scheels store. If you don't know what that is it is the biggest sports store ever. They have everything for what ever sports you are into! Now I am not a sports fan by no means, but it is so much more. They have this huge ferris wheel in the middle of the store! They have this mountain with every animal on it. From Quail to Mountain lion! They have statues of some of the Presidents and a couple of them move as well as talk! Than they have simulated race cars that you can get into and race and of course my kids wanted to do that because that cost ten bucks each! The ferris wheel was only a buck! They don't like heights. They had fun and that is what counts! When walking outside to the other shops they have art work and fountains. The one fountain kids where playing in to cool off! They have plaques telling of different people of Nevada history or places. They have a bath and body works that of course I had to go into! A Vans store that my son had to go into! We left there and went to The Olive Garden for dinner!

Monday we went to Virginia City! We love to go there because it is a living ghost town! We love all the shops. We stopped at the Fourth Ward School which we never have been in believe it or not! It was pretty cool! We have gone to a few museums this summer! It is neat to see all the stuff from history past. We like going to the leather shop because nothing is over 20 bucks! We got our daughter a really nice back pack, maybe it will last the whole school year!!

Tuesday we went into Genoa the oldest town in Nevada. We were going to go the the Mormon Station but it was closed. It is State run and because of the budget cuts they are closed for three days which was to bad because my kids haven't been in that museum. The court house museum was open though so we went into that one. We went to the gift shop they have there as well. I love Quail I think they are so cute so my husband bought me a figurine with mom, dad, and babies!

Wednesday was kind of a kick back day, but we did go and do some school shopping. My son hates to try things on, but I always make him anyway. He had like three pairs of pants and when he tried them on only one pair fit! I told him That is why I make you try them on!! We got a few school supplies not to much because the kids always get list from school of all the stuff they want them to have!

Thursday we went up to the Lake! It is one of our favorite places to go in the summer! Our oldest son went with us so it was even better having the whole family together! The Lake is unusually warm and unusually low! They have this pole way out there for the boats as a warning not to go past and unusually it is to deep so I don't ever go out that far, but I could actually walk out to it, in fact so could my youngest son! We had a great time as always. I just love Tahoe in the summer time!

Yesterday we didn't do much of anything either, but that is okay by me sometimes just hanging out at home is okay too! I will try to think of something to do today since it is the last day before I go back to work and it starts all over with not having time with the family!

Vacationing

I officially started my vacation on Wednesday my husband had to work until Friday. We aren't going any where just doing stuff around here.... so my husband wanted to start it on Friday. How about we go out to dinner and than go bowling? Well I am game so I ask the kids and they are too, Wonderful our vacation starts now!

After dinner we go over to the bowling alley, we get our shoes and go to the lane which two other people are next to us. Now I have to teach my son bowling etiquette. I explain the whole thing about having two people on both sides and that if they are getting ready to bowl you have to wait. I thought he understood. The problem with my son is he gets his ball and doesn't stop to think he just bowls. I always stand there for a time and look at the pins and than I go for it, not him! He does bowl really smooth and has a nice curve if only he knew how to use it! We all did really lousy, but we had fun as a family and that' s what it is all about.

Day two: Saturday we had already planned on going river rafting so my husband wanted to know what time. Shot for leaving the house at ten. Now I don't commit to anything because I don't get up earily. I think we left about 10:30 so that wasn't to bad. I should tell you we go river rafting every year because my sister in law owns the business. She had called and said that this would be the last weekend because the water is just to low to go for any longer. So we get there and it is really busy, but she said the next raft to come in would be ours. Our name is called and we go to the raft and of course the guy has to tells all about the river and what to expect blah blah blah! We get on our way and it is good. Okay there is another thing I have to tell you I do not help paddle the boat and the reason for that is my husband is always getting mad at me that I am not paddling on the right side or paddling the wrong way. So today he says I need a little help here. So he tells our daughter if we are going to the left paddle on the right if we are going to the right paddle on the left if we need to slow down paddle backward. It is so confusing. So he always makes it stressful. I told him next year he can go by himself and he won't have to worry if anyone is paddling right or not! It turned out to be okay after all I did help paddle we did get stuck on some rocks and some parts we had to walk the boat or rock the boat, but it was all good.

Next we went to anothe free concert. This was the sounds of santana! They we pretty good. The guy playing the guitar did really close to Carlos Santana. A lot of people got up and danced a lot of drunk people made fool's of themselves, but it was nice to be out together as a family!

Tomorrow we are off to Reno! I will let you know how that goes!!

Concert

In the city of Sparks they opened up a new mall and are celerbrating. The mall is called legends and it is by the Sparks Marina. In all the hoopla they were promoting a free concert. The band that was to play is "Smash Mouth". I really like this band a lot. My kids ask if we could go. I said well I am schedule to work, but I requested to be called off if I am than we can go. I was called off and my kids were all excited, so we can go to the concert? I said yeah if your dad wants to go because I hate driving somewhere where I don't know exactly where I am going. At first he didn't want to go, but when I said well I really don't know how to get there and I kind of get paranoid, so he said okay I will go!! We get there and there was a lot of people there and we had a hard time finding a parking place, but low and behold a car was pulling out and than another car was coming in the opposite dicrection and I knew she was going to try and take the same spot so I honk the horn and told her don't you even think about it, there also was a guy who saw what was happening so he was waving us on as my husband was backing in so we thought that was really nice and thank him!

We go to where the concert was going to be and we were like there about two hours before the band was going to start and we see people with there beach chairs. My husband said I didn't think about bring chairs and I like wise didn't think about it either. He said I don't think I can stand for that long. I told him to go over to Target and see if he could buy chairs there. Him and our son walked over there and he was gone a while. My daughter than tells me oh there they are and they are carrying "pink" chairs! I look and sure enough here is my husband and son both carrying two pink chairs each! I ask, " is that the only color they had left"? Yeah they had to go in back to see if they even had anymore and brought out two boxes and both boxes only had the pink! Now, my husband is a biker want to be so you can just imagine this biker like dude carrying these pink chairs! It was pretty funny, but hey we got to sit before the concert started so it was all good!

Of course though when the concert started I was not sitting down! It was awesome we all enjoyed it and they had fireworks after so that was pretty cool! We had a hard time getting out of there afterwards, but it was worth it!

Lies And Honesty

This is really about two different stories and yes the lies I did take from another persons post, but when I read that post it reminded me of something so here goes. This was a few years ago before my oldest son moved out on his own. We had his best friend living with us for about six months and my son had just got his drivers license. My kids know how I feel about lies being that I talked to them about when they were lying until I was blue in the face and lectured them on how God doesn't like it when we lie, that being said they know it is better to tell the truth no matter how bad they think the situation may be. Lord knows they have been in trouble enough for lying I think it has finally settled in! I went to use my car on this particular day and my son's friend went with me. I get into my car and I could tell right away that it had been used. So I asked my son's friend did you guys use the car? He said No. I went about my business of where ever it was I was going came back home and ask him again, did you use my car? Again he said no. I go into the house and ask my son, So did you use the car today, which my son laughs and said Yes. So I lectured his friend on how I don't tolerate lies and that I even gave him two changes to tell me the truth. After the lecture and trying to get through to him that it is better to tell the truth than to lie about something, they ask how did you know we used the car. We put everything back the way it was. I told them that they didn't have the mirrors the way I had them or the seat and most of all the steering wheel was all wrong and the fact that I am MOM and know all!! They just laughed and everything was good after that. It wasn't so much that they used the car it is the fact I didn't have my son on the insurance yet and if anything would have happened we would have been in big trouble. The thing is my kids know not to lie but I don't think my son's friends gets it because I caught him in a few lies after that. Hopefully he will learn it isn't a good thing to lie and lying doesn't get you any where and it will catch up to you.


Honesty:

We were at wal-mart the other day picking up a few things and as we were going down this one lane and my son and I saw money on the floor at the same time. He picked it up and it was a 20 dollar bill. He was like oh yeah I found 20 bucks. I am like no we found it and we need to do the honest thing and turn it in. He was like finders keepers. I said No I have taught you better than that. He gave me the money and I turned it in. When I came back my husband ask if they asked me for my name and phone number. I said no why. Because if no one claims it within 30 days it should be yours. I never thought about giving them my name and phone number and they never ask. He said where he works that is what they do. Now I have found money out on the street and keep it, but I didn't feel right about being in a store and finding money and not turning it in. It is like someone left money in those self checkouts before and I turned the money in. My husband found 40 bucks in a bush before. How far do you go to be honest when finding money? I felt I did the right thing and yet my husband ask if I would have known I lost it there. Well I think if all depends on if that was the only place I had gone that day I suppose. No matter what I feel I did the right thing!

The Rest Of The Story...

Remember that game that was played as a child where you sat in a circle and whispered in the person sitting next to you something and they would whisper to the next and so on. By the time the last person got the ear whisper they would shout out what was said and when they did it was not even close to what you said? Well life is like that sometimes. Someone will tell you something that they had heard and unless you got it from the horses mouth you aren't sure what they are saying is even true. That happens a lot around work. Now I try not to believe everything I hear and I really don't like gossip so I will say something like "This is what I heard"or "I didn't get this from the horses mouth". Sometimes you never hear the rest of the story or the true story and it makes you wonder if what you heard is really true. Well what I am getting at is a few months ago we had heard about this gal getting arrested for DUI and than again hearing she got another one. So I really felt bad about it and didn't want to jump to conclusions with not hearing from her what had happened. I hadn't seen her in a while and than one day I had seen her, but of course not knowing her that well I wasn't going to ask her, even if I did know her I am not sure I would have said anything. Well the other day I had to float to sit with this lady and she came in to draw some blood and was telling me that she had a pinched nerve and was in a lot of pain, but she didn't want to have to take anymore time off of work. Than she proceeded to tell me that she had just got over a drinking problem and that her husband of 29 years had ask for a divorce and that is when she started drinking, but now she is okay with it even though she said her and her husband have never been apart in all those years of marriage and that she has known nothing else since she was 25. I didn't know what to say so I just listened and she thank me for letting her vent and I told her I was sorry and that I hoped everything worked out! She said that she was getting used to living alone and she was trying to get her life back and that she felt good except for the pinched nerve. So there you have it sometimes even when you don't ask you get "The Rest Of The Story"!

Hot Hot Hot

We have been having some really hot summer days! It has been in the upper 90's. I really don't mind the hot weather it doesn't really bother me, but what I hate is the sweating. I would like to know who the person who said women don't sweat they glow? What are you kidding me there is no glowing when it comes to sweating! Women glow when they fall in love, get married, have their children, but trust me they do not glow when they are sweating! It is an ugly site! I hate it when the sweat is just pouring down my face it is an awful feeling. My husband even says that saying about women don't sweat they glow, I am yeah right! Sometimes I wonder why I even bother wearing make-up when it is just going to melt away off my face! I sit in front of the fan to put it on, but after going away from the fan and I start to sweat it is almost a lost cause! Even at work I am always hot even when in a cool place and it is sometimes embarassing to walk in a patients room with the sweat running down my face. Anyway I am here to say it is a crock of you know what that women "Glow" when sweating!

Denise Thinks

This is from another post and I thought I would give it a try. Some pretty strange things come out of it! Here goes:

Denise thinks Green well I like to think I do!

Denise thinks she is a prima donna I don't think that is true!

Denise thinks she is flawless and the talk of the town I am not flawless and I hope I am not the talk of the town LOL!

Denise thinks she is marrying all of India What? I don't even think so!

Denise thinks far outside of the box I like staying in my little box thank you very much!

Denise thinks people should date people there own age why would I even care?

Denise thinks the horse is very cute and has lots of firey spirit what horse?

Denise thinks her next big get away might be the panhandle why would I go there? I could think of a lot of much better places!

Denise thinks it looks clean and new okay what am I looking at?

Denise thinks believing in God is important hey finally something I can relate to!!

Work

I know that ugly four letter word! I have been a little stressed about work lately to say the least. I work at the hospital as a cna and even though I am full time sometimes I don't get full time. I work on the rehab unit and like every other unit in the hospital there are timew when there is to many staff and not enough patients. In times like that a few things can happen. 1) you get called off, 2) worst yet you get put on "stand-by", 3) the worst of all you get "FLOATED". This past week end my days to work on Saturday I got put on "stand-by" now what is bad about stand by is you can't leave to go do anything because you are on stand-by of which the hospital can call you at anytime to say you are needed to come in to work. So you sit by you phone hoping it doesn't ring, but at the same time you are so stressed out that it might ring and you are waiting up most of the night. On Saturday they never called. Sunday I was floated to surg/otho which I hate with a passion. The only good thing about floating down there is the time went by really fast. Monday night I was put on stand-by again and again was not called in. Well on Tuesday I was hoping for the call off, But NOOOOO I had to float AGAIN! Only this time it wasn't to bad because I only had to sit with one patient. Oh that is another thing 4) sitter! I sat with a sweet little lady who was confused and was just busy! She was very sweet but most of the time I couldn't understand what she was saying, but just agreed with her and we got along just fine! In rehab yesterday we had two patients, but tonight there will only be 1 patient and than that patient is leaving on Friday. So even though it is my days off I will be stressing about Saturday and what my fate will be. I am going to try not to stress about it and try to enjoy my days off and pray that we get some admits so we all can work on our little unit and not have to float or what ever. Maybe I will have to go and buy me some CHOCOLATE that always makes me feel better for a while anyway!!

Family and The Movies

It is not to often we as a family get to go to the movies together. It is usually my husband taking my son and daughter or if there is a movie he doesn't care to see he will say "Oh it is okay if you take them to that one". Oh I am so glad I got your permission!! Than I just laugh. No it is even a really rare occasion when my oldest son goes to a movie with us or one of us. I will start from last Friday.

I took son and daughter to see " My Sisters Keeper". I wanted to see this movie because I read the book and it was really good. Okay it is a tear jerker for sure! Or as my husband likes to say a chick flick! In the movie the ending was different than the book, but there was a spoiler on line so I knew it was going to end different. The Author was upset by the ending because she was trying to make people think with her ending in the book, but no matter how you look at it weather you read the book, saw the movie or both they both had sad endings. You are going to cry no mater what! I thought it was very well made and pretty much followed the book and even had some funny moments. So that was all good. Than my husband ask if I wanted to see "Ice Age" I said yes, but you can take them to see that one if you want to and I will find something else I am sure, He said no we all can go. We can? He has been working 6AM to 3PM everyday this week, So the big plan was to go see Ice Age on Tuesday, Plans were changed. My oldest son came over for a visit. Which is always a good thing because I always like when he stops by so I can get my fix!! He ask if I worked that night and I told him know that actually I was sick for two days and didn't go to work. Than he ask if I had seen the Transformer movie. (movie my husband took the kids to see) I told him no I hadn't seen it yet. He said there is a showing at 2:10, well it was like twenty minutes till and I hate to rush and beside since we were planning on going to the movie s anyway why not wait until my husband got off. I told my son this and he said that find next showing is at 3:45. He must have anticipate this! So plans were changed we all met at the movies and the whole family was there! It was an awesome movie as well! I even shed a few tears from watching this movie! Than we all went out to dinner after it was great to have everyone there at the same time. My son thanked me and I said hey no problem anything to spend time with you!

Next great plan was to go see Ice Age, well after spending so much money the day before I wasn't sure. I decided I really needed to take Wednesday to put the plants I bought into the ground, we could go on Thursday to see Ice Age, well that plan didn't work either because my daughter got sick and was vomiting all night. She is doing much better though.

Next plan is I think we will go see Ice Age on Friday and hope that nothing comes up otherwise!

Finish the sentence

1. I’ve come to realize that my last kiss……Never last as long as I would like
2. I am listening to…silence
3. I talk…only when I need to
4. I love…my family, chocolate, the ocean
5. My best friends…Will always be there anytime, any place, they love me uncondentionly
6. My first real kiss….Was not what I expected
7. There is no…time
8. Marriage…For good times and bad times forever
9. Somewhere, someone is thinking....When will it be my time
10. I’ll always remember…My first born, my second born and my third born.
11. The last time I really cried was because…How do you answer this one when I cry all the time
12. My cell phone…my best friend
13. When I wake up in the morning…I go get my coffee
14. Before I go to bed…I try to pray
15. Right now I am thinking about…what tomorrow will bring
16. Babies are…The most beautiful thing in the world.
17. I get on MySpace…not at all
18. Today I…stayed home from work because I was sick
19. Tomorrow I will....hopefully feeling better so I can plant my flowers
20. I really want to ....a better person
21. I am allergic to…NKA
22. I am annoyed by…stupidity
23. One food I refuse to eat is…There really isn't anything I can think of that I don't like
24. The most recent thing I’ve learned is…life is short and the world isn't as big as I thought
25. The number one thing on my bucket list is…not really sure
26. Something I’ve always wanted to learn to do is…play the guitar
27. I have a high tolerance for…pain
28. I have a low tolerance for…?
29. I wish…I didn't have to work
.30. The one person I would happily make a fool out of myself if I ever saw in person…probably my husband

How Did This Conversation Turn Around..

I had a meeting with my daughters social worker yesterday so that she could up date me on how things were going. She ask me how I thought she was doing. I said right now she is doing great because it's the summer and she isn't in school. In fact she said she didn't need to see you anymore, how ever I did tell her I thought that she really needs to keep going. She thought that was a good response. She wonder where my husband was and I told her with our schedules he couldn't make it. From there I told her about us working different shifts and having different days off. She than ask if my husband and I had a good relationship. I said oh yes he is my best friend, my rock, my salvation! We well be married 27 years in September after all!! She said how she really likes my daughter that she is a great person and I agreed with her and said that my daughter has the greatest heart and of course by this time I am crying! I told her sorry I cry all the time and that is when the conversation turned from talking about my daughter to talking about me and my feelings. How did that happen? She asked if I was a worrier and I told her I am. She ask if I felt like I was depressed. I said sometimes I do feel that way,but it is self diagnosis and anxiety! Sounds like you and your daughter are a lot a like. In a lot of ways we are. We talk about me losing my mom last year, more tears of course. Why I feel like I can't let go of the apron strings. Here I go to talk about my daughter and some how it ended up being about me. How did that even happen? I ended up with a headache because of crying so much I hate that! So it also ended up that I need to let her do things on her own she is 17 after all. She ask about my oldest son and that turned out talking about how hard that was when he moved out. How if i didn't have the other two I wouldn't have even got out of bed. I felt like I got sucked in, here we were supposed to talk about my daughter and it ended up mostly talking about my feelings. I guess it all ties in because she did say my daughter doesn't bad mouth my husband and I like some of the kids do, that is really good to know! The biggest thing is she wants to do things on her own. Right now one of her friends moved away and the other friend is always cleaning house. I don't want her to be out there on her own by herself. I don't know it is really hard being a parent and even harder being the mom!!

Unusual Weather

We have had an unusual month of weather for June. We have had a lot of rain this month and a lot of windy and cloudy days. I read in the paper we were having a El Nina and that to expect this kind of weather for the whole summer. I hope they are wrong about this because it could make for a really bad winter. We had an El Nina about 5 years ago and the winter was really bad with getting snow and than rain and well than really bad flooding. I like the summer weather so I really hope it isn't going to be like this for the whole summer. This brings me to what I really wanted to write about and it is taken from another post. Vacation and road trips.

I remember growing up and every summer my parents would take me on vacation. It was usually to Disneyland. Sometimes we would go camping as well. I have a lot of great memories about the time we spent on vacation. We went on a lot of road trips as well. Or maybe they were just drives, because every Sunday after Church I remember taking a drive somewhere. My favorite place to go was a drive to the ocean. It was a different time.

We have gone on a few vacations with our children, but it is so expensive these days that it is really hard to go any where every year. I regret that we can't take our children on vacation because it is so nice to get away and go somewhere maybe you never been before. A few years ago we had the best time when we went camping along the Oregon Coast. We spent two weeks going place to place. It was great! We went two years in a row. We have taken them to Disneyland a few times and Six Flaggs. Last year we wanted to do something so we went up to Lake Tahoe which isn't far from home, but at the same time at least we went somewhere. The other thing that is really hard is my husband and I work different shifts and have different days off which makes it hard to plan anything. We try to take time off from work at the same time, but this summer we are taking different times off. I still have time with my two younger ones that hopefully in the next couple years we can take a family vacation and go somewhere. I would love to take them to Disneyland and I would love to go to Las Vegas. Hawaii would be nice, but not sure we can make it there. I would also love to take another trip to the Oregon Coast.

It is really sad that times have changed so much that everything cost so much that you can't take a family vacation. Now days you have to have two incomes to make ends meat not like when I was growing up and mom was a stay at home mom and you could make it on one pay check. They had a brand new house and two brand new cars. Times were different that is for sure!

Summer, TV, and Movies

During the summer when all the shows I watch in the fall is over it is my time to catch up and all the movies I have missed, well maybe not all the movies because that is pretty impossible to do. Well it used to be when the fall show were over that was it, but with all the tv stations they have now a days they have summer replacement shows as well. There are so many show that look so good that I know I would like them, but I took a vow to myself that I would stick to what I always do in the summer and catch up on movies. Luckly there are some station we don't get so I am not tempted to take a pick at some of the shows that look so good. Last night we were watching one of said movies and it was over at 10:30PM so we turned on the tv and there was this show called "The listener" we watched to the end and turn on the news. Well they showed previews for next week and this show was good from what I watched. My husband tells me " Oh now you are not going to get sucked into another tv show"! Well than they had previews of another show "Merlin" so I was teasing him about getting hooked on a show if I can't get hooked on another show. Oh yeah I am hooked on so many shows babe I think you have me bet by a long shot I just won't let you get me sucked into liking one of your shows I just won't let that happen. Oh alright I won't get suckered into another show I will stick to just renting movies to get caught up. Honestly I just can't believe all the show out there, of course with all the channels they have these days if you have expanded cable it is unreal. So are you hooked on shows that you just have to watch? I know I have talked about my additciton anyway and I am addicted that is for sure.

Last Day Of School

Today was the last day of school and now the start of summer vacation! Now the sound of I'm bored!! They can't wait for school to be out yet they always complain that they are bored. I keep telling them they should be grateful they have this time off because once they are grown up out on there own they will be working and they will be wishing that they were back in school and having summer vacation. I think it is true about all of us when we are young and growning up we never relize how easy we had it. Having a roof, clothes, food and all the little things that once you are out on your own and have to buy yourself you don't take it for granted. I know when I was growing up I couldn't wait until I graduated. It seems you wish your life away when you are young and don't really get when your parents tell you not to wish your life away. I know I did and once I had children of my own and I have watched them grow up I just can't believe how fast the time goes by. Even though I keep telling them not to wish the time away they won't get it until they are out on their own having to work and making a living for themselves and than they will say I wish I was back in school life was so much easier than. I know my oldest is feeling that now having to do things for himself. It is really hard now days especially. Sometimes when you are young you have all these big plans, but once you are out in the "real" world they plans might not work out the way you thought they might. So I hope my children enjoy their summer and hopefully I won't hear how bored they are too much, I just want them to enjoy their childhood because it sure goes by way to fast!

What I Did NOT Do

Last Saturday which is my Monday I did NOT want it to be Friday which is Monday. I did NOT want my daughter to have a great time on her trip and I was NOT a nervous wreck about her going. I did NOT call her on Monday to make sure she got home safely and she said she did NOT have an awesome time. She did NOT say she wanted to go back. When she was telling me about her trip she did NOT say the same thing my oldest son said his first time on this trip That there was NOT this beautiful park with this pond and the pond did NOT have baby ducks. She did NOT buy me this beautiful mug that does NOT say my mother, my friend on it.

I did NOT have a whole day off with my husband who did NOT take me out to breakfast. We did NOT have a good day together. We did NOT go to our daughters play that night and I did NOT see one of my good friends there.

My husband's car did NOT break down the other day while picking up the kids from school. He did NOT call me to pick him up and he did NOT have to call a tow truck. The Lord was NOT with us that day and it was NOT the fuel pump that went out AGAIN and it was NOT still on warrenty. I did NOT have to take my husband to work the past two days and I did NOT say I don't know how we got along with only one car all those years. I did NOT thank God for his blessings.

My son did NOT ask me if he could go to the movies with his friend on Saturday and I did NOT ask which friend. He did NOT tell me it is a girl and I did NOT say you can not date! He did NOT say she is just a friend and he did NOT say she doesn't like me as a "boyfriend". I did NOT say I would have to think about it and did NOT ask him if other friends were going.

I was NOT driving over the speed limit and I did NOT get pulled over. The cop did NOT ask me where I worked and I did NOT say why. It did NOT happen that it was NOT the same cop that I talked to when my son was NOT in that bike accident. He did NOT give me a break on the cost and demerits. I do NOT have a court date and I can NOT chose to go or to NOT just pay the ticket.

That is what I did NOT do this week.

She's Back

My daughter went to Ashland Oregon this weekend. She was so excited to go and was really looking forward to it. On Friday I told her she needed to pack her stuff so it would be already to go, because she had to get up early on Saturday. I asked her about three or four times she finally got packed, but of course I had to say did you pack this and that oh make sure you pack long pants and take one oh your hoodies with you, she is like mom I did!! Okay just checking. I have always packed her things when we go any where, but I figure she is old enough that I didn't need to check to see. I always over pack because you never know what will happen. I think it is better to be safe than sorry. It drives my husband crazy when I pack! He always says we are only going to be gone two days not two weeks!

The drama class takes this trip every year. My oldest son went as well when he was in drama and he always had a great time. Well of course I was a nervous reck because this was her first trip with out mom and dad hanging around. Of course there was plenty of chaperones on this trip and they have a strict buddy rule. so no worries right? Of course I knew everything would be fine and she would have a great time, but it wouldn't be me if I didn't worry about her! They had an itinerary each day with a lot of free time to do what ever they want. They could go swimming, movies, shopping, dining, but always with their buddies! I think that is really good that they are not to go to town alone. They had to be back in their rooms by 10 PM and lights out at 11PM. This trip is to see shakespear plays.

She called me when she got to Ashland, but I didn't keep her long because the first day there it is pretty rushed. She texted me every day to just tell me she loved and missed me. Well it was finally Monday and she was to get back around 8 PM I was at work so I called and she was home so I talked to her briefly. I couldn't wait for the night to be over so I could get home to see my daughter. I got home and she wasn't up yet. I think she was really tired from her trip. Well we talked for a few and she had a really great time. The plays were good and she had fun going shopping and stuff. They went to this really nice park they have there and had to tell me about the baby ducks! ( the plays she saw were: "Servant of two masters", "Music Man", and "MacBeth") She said the girls she was hanging out with made her buy a dress because they wanted to go out to have dessert. Well that's one thing I didn't think she needed to pack! She loved all the little stores they had there and the places to eat. I am really glad she had a great time! She bought us some gifts and she even had some money left over, which my son never came home with money!

Isn't it funny when your child goes away when they come back home they seem a little different. She seems more mature. I don't know it could be just me! Sometimes it is hard to let your child go, but you know you have to let go of that apron string little by little, but I don't have to like it!

Strange Things Happen

I was waiting for my daughter at the clinic for her weekly meeting and they were having an open house so my son went back to check it out, I didn't want to go so I just sat and was reading my book minding my own business. This guy comes in and was very loud talking about some bill he got and was really upset about it. He was carrying on about it even as the gal told him to sit down she would get someone to come and talk to him about it. It is very nerve racking that every time I go there and wait for my daughter something happens. It really makes me uncomefortable. Well as I am still waiting this lady comes up to me and says Hi I haven't seen you in so long you look really great and that color looks really great on you. I am like who the heck are you? I don't know this lady. I don't know maybe I look like someone she knows and thought I was her. Well than it makes you wonder, do I know her? No I am sure I didn't know who she was. Well than she was going back to the open house and she tells me you are so blessed. Well I couldn't disagree with her there I am blessed. I don't know everytime I go there something happens. I think maybe I should just stay in the car, but I don't want to be rude and the social worker always comes out with my daughter to let me know same time next week. My son stayed back there for a while so I called to see if he was coming back out, I could have gone back to see what he was up to, but I don't feel comfortable around people I don't know and I really didn't want to end up talking to that lady who thought she knew me. I wasn't rude to her and tell her sorry I don't know who you are I just kind of went along with it. Just put me in a really uncomfortable spot. I guess we will see what happens next week.

You Didn't Just Say That

The other day my husband was getting some ice out of the ice tray and I said that it needs to be filled up again. I told him I been trying to keep it filled so we don't run out. He says, "Will I don't usually use ice, but have to in this cup". Okay so you aren't going to fill the tray? No. So I fill the tray up and refill the ice cube trays, not being quiet about it. I decide to wash what little dishes that are in the sink and my husband water bottle is in there, I almost didn't wash it! When I get done I go and tell him, "You had your water bottle in the sink I guess you wanted it washed", yeah " Well I don't use it, but I WASHED it anyway. He looks at me, I go yeah just because you don't use something doesn't mean you don't have to fill it back up! OH by the way I wash, dry, fold and put away your clothes every week, and guess what I don't wear them! I got your point. YEAH THINK!!!

Hearing, But Trying Not To Listen

Yesterday my daughter had her appointment with the social worker which usually takes an hour. I always take a book with me so I am not bored, unlike my son who won't bring anything with him and is bored! I was sitting waiting and reading when this gal came and sat next to me to use the phone. She is clearly up set talking to who ever it was she was talking to. Now I can not help that I am hearing her she is sitting right next to me, but truly I am trying NOT to listen. She hangs up with the first person she calls and calls someone else, well she is pretty loud not screaming loud just loud. She is leaving a message with this person that I gathered was a teacher anyway she said she is sorry for the way she said what she said the other day, but is not sorry about what she said. She goes on to say you have known me the best and know about my mental health problems and yet I felt like you didn't even want to hear what I had to say like you were ignoring me. I was really trying my hardest not to listen to this, but couldn't help but hear it. I am reading and find I keep reading the same sentence over and over again. Than she makes another call to get another phone number for bishop Bean, Okay that rings a bell. I believe nursemom has mention this bishop before. She calls him and leaves a message. I am back on track reading my book when she makes yet another call. She gets someone and starts talking about how she isn't having a very good day and that people don't understand why she can't talk to them face to face right now. All these things aren't going good for her and she doesn't want to be where her sister is. My sister keeps calling me 20 times a day and I just can't handle it with everything else going on and my own mental health issues. I know the father doesn't give you more than you can handle but I feel he wants me to help my family. Heres where I loss it, she starts crying! I am thinking to myself don't listen don't listen and she keeps crying, well I can't help it I started to cry! My gosh I don't even know this person what the heck is wrong with me!! I am also thinking God wants her to help herself get better before she trys to help anyone else, I mean this gal sounds very unstable and ready to crack at any minute. She finally says well I have one minute to go catch the bus I am sorry I put this all on you but thanks for listening! I wanted to hug this girl, but I was afraid she think I was nuts and I didn't know her from Adam, it is just so dumb of me to start crying as I am trying to read my book which isn't working out so well, I guess if anyone ask me if I was okay I could have said oh it is just a sad part in the book, except the book I am reading is about vampires, witches, shapeshifters, and fairies. I guess I am just an emotional sap when it comes to other people crying I just can't help myself. I hope this gal will be okay and that she can pull her life together, because I really felt that she was ready to just explode at any minute. The good thing is I didn't get called back to the office and my daughters meeting went well this week!!

Life Can Be Unbearable

Life can be so unbearable at times. You life from pay check to pay check and still don't seem to make ends meet. The bills keep piling up and wondering how they are going to get paid. You help your children out and you take blood out of a turnip until there is no blood left. Your daughter has depression and thoughts of suicide and you are just beside yourself with grief. Now you get a call and your son is depress. You live day to day and don't want to go to work, but you know you have to and you just get off of your days off and can't wait until your next days off. There are times you just want to SCREAM and even that doesn't help. You cry daily because you don't know how you are goint to get by day to day. You don't want to leave your daughter a lone and she doesn't understand why. You find out that they want her to go to the hospital which is in another town and you don't want her to miss out on the last days of school. You still have the bills to pay and more are coming in daily. I just want to go hide under a rock some where and forget everything. I want to SCREAM CALGON TAKE ME AWAY! Sometimes it seems there is no light at the end of the tunnel and it just gets darker and darker. I just want to go sit on the beach by the ocean and listen to the waves, but the ocean is so far away. So all you can do is sit there and cry. How am I going to do all these things I need to do. How can I help my daughter to cope with life when I am having a hard time myself. If I SCREAM is that really going to help? Lord I need your help! I know you are there and I know you are aware of what is going on, but I just can't seem to find the answers. I know this too shell pass, but right now it isn't passing fast enough. Yes life can be unbearable at times. Everything just seems so over whelming and I can't even begin to cope with it all. I want to talk to my mom and can't even do that. It is so devasting to think your daughter doesn't want to be here anymore that she feels her life isn't worth it, it breaks my heart and I just can't bare the thought of it anymore. Now my son is feeling it too. I know that we will get through this, but right now it doesn't feel that way.

A Funny Thing Happened...

I turned 50 this year, which is no big deal! (At least that is what I keep telling myself) The thing is my family makes it a big deal! I tell them it is just a number. My husband likes to give me a hard time and teases me all the time. Now everytime I say something like "I forgot" my husband either tells me "welcome to my world" or his lasted thing to say is "welcome to the grey side". My kids give me a hard time especially my youngest. Now I have been wearing reading glasses for two years now and I still get a hard time about it!! My family laughs at me everytime I put them on. Well the other day at work one of the day nurses put them on and said they were really strong I said well they are reading glasses, so she put them on and said that she could read that really good I might have to get some. Than the next day the same thing happened with someone else. Are we so vain? I admit it took me a while before I went in, I mean when you have to take a magnifying glass to read a bottle of tylenol it is time to do something about it! I know it is all apart of the fact that as you get older stuff happens. We went to this gift shop yesterday and my son just couldn't help himself he had to get me this coffee mug that says: The big 5-0 on the front and on the back it says: Fifty... half a century and it SHOWS! Thanks a lot son!!! My hearing is a little off right now and it has nothing to do with my age! They are stuffy and I can't get them popped! So I ask my daughter if she got the money back from her teacher yet? What I thought she said is: She spent it. I said, "She spent my money"? Mom I said " She sent it"! Everyone starts laughing, I go Oh I thought you said spent!! Well I still don't feel 50 and I don't by any means feel 50, but I know my family well keep reminding me of it anyway!!

I Did NOT Say Or Do That

I did NOT cry when I got a letter from a good friend and she told me she has stage 3 breast cancer. I did NOT feel bad that I hadn't written to her in over a year. I did NOT cry again when she said her hair was falling out and she had her husband shave the rest of it off. I did NOT get on the computer right away and e-mail her back. I did NOT tell her how sorry I was that I hadn't wrote to her for so long. I did NOT go to the store and pick her up a card and I did NOT cry while reading said card.

I did NOT learn something about my daughter when talking to the counselor. I did NOT cry when the counselor was talking about how I was doing with the death of my mom. I did NOT cry knowing my daughter is depressed and grieving for the loss too.

I was NOT sad that I had to go back to work. I did NOT tell my co-workers that I could have taken another week off. I did NOT cry again when telling my co-workers about my friend with breast cancer.

My husband did NOT get his ear pierce. He did NOT ask me what I thought of my old man now. I did NOT say I suppose the next thing is a tattoo.

I did NOT finish my clean up task from my staycation. I did NOT tell my husband to stop putting stuff on the desk that I did NOT just clean up. I did NOT tell my daughter to clean up the dresser that we just brought over.

I am sure there is more things I did NOT say or do but those are the main ones I can think of right now. I know I have taken this from another post, but liked it so much I thought I would give it a try!

Staycation

YES, this is really a word with a definition! I had a staycation! I have been off work for two glorious weeks now! I did get a lot done that needed to get done, but a whole lot more I need to do. I loved just being with my family, but now come Saturday it is back to the old grind stone we call "Work"! We went for a drive the other day and that was really nice. We did things mostly around the house that needed to be done. I got my flower garden in and that was great! We went to the movies and rented movies and just had family time! Tuesday was my husband birthday and we took him out to dinner. We went into Reno to the macaroni grill! I love that place they have such great food and I love the atmosphere. The weather has been great as well so that is really nice, although I think we are suppose to get a cold front come in, it figures since I just got my flowers in! Hopefully it won't be to bad. I will enjoy the rest of today and tomorrow and than worry about Saturday on Saturday! I really could enjoy this life of not having to work, but unfortunately I still have bills to pay!

Parenting

Parenting is one of the most rewarding and hardest jobs you will ever have! You never stop being a parent even when they move out on their own, when they start there own family. You are a parent for life! It is a 24/7 job. I have to say right now the hardest is when you have teenagers! My oldest is 6 years older than his sister and 10 years older than his brother, so I haven't had two teenagers at once until now! I am dealing with the fighting which is normal, but also I think God is testing me or something. It is hard enough dealing with teenagers because they are becoming there own person so to speck, but to have to deal with all the high school stuff that goes along with it is really trying not only on my daughter, but on me as well. I know where she is coming from because I went through the same crap as she did. You couldn't give me a million dollars to go back to high school that is how bad it was for me. As much as time has change they stay the same. At the beginning of the school year my daughter was writing an assay in her English class and she had wrote that she had thoughts of suicide. Well of course red flags went up and the teacher called her councilor and she called me and I went in to the councilor's office a total basket case! We talked and than at home we talked and her and her dad talked. We had her big brother come over because sometimes it is easier to talk to someone that isn't your parent. We kept a close eye on her and didn't let her stay alone in the house and things seem to be fine. I started to let her stay alone if I had to take her little brother some where and she seemed happy and all that. Well last Friday that changed! I got a call from her councilor and this time she write a good bye letter and gave it to her English teacher. I was in shock I couldn't believe this was happening again only this time it wasn't just a thought this was a good bye letter. I go into the councilor's office and she is in there and she is crying this time which is a good thing because she wasn't the last time. I asked her why she was feeling this way and she didn't know. She said she just had this thought and the best way for her to express herself is to write it down. She didn't know how to approach myself or her dad. By this time I am in tears in disbelief that this could be happening again! I told her she could come to me anytime she has these feelings that I am hear for her. I just don't know how to she said. The councilor gave me an address and phone number to the mental health and I called and they said for screening they take walk ins. Well my husband went over there on Monday and there was papers to be filled out so we did that and he took her over there. If they decide she needs counseling they will send us a letter or call us. How devastated I am feeling right now that my daughter has these thoughts and doesn't know why. I told her you know that this isn't the way to solve anything and she knows it is wrong and she is so scared. My heart is bleeding! When I talked to my husband at lunch that day he was also devastated and ask if I wanted him to come home. I told him we would be okay. Well he ended up calling to let me know he was coming home he just couldn't concentrate. I know that God well see us through all of this! So we are trying to spend more time with her, not that we didn't but just a little more and talking to her about how she is feeling and I hope that she can get some counseling.

Now on to my next devastating moment! Yesterday my son says he is going to go ride his bike so I told him just stay around the area don't go far. Well as soon as he had left I got this funny feeling but didn't think much of it continued what I was doing. Well the phone rang and I went to get it and got this sick feeling when I saw the caller number, it was Carson City City of, my heart just sank. It was the sheriff's office calling to say I needed to go to such in such place. I picked up the phone and they lady said that there has been an accident involving your father, I said do you mean my son is there a bike involved, she said yes I was like Oh My God! She said there isn't any injuries how soon can you be there well I said it two seconds it is just right around the corner! So I told my daughter come on lets go your brother was in an accident she is like Oh my gosh, I said he wasn't hurt! Well he was on the other side of the road so of course when in a hurry you have to wait for traffic! I could see my son and he was with a police officer and he was okay! So I get there and the officer is telling me what happened and I am crying and he said your son is okay he didn't get injured. What happened is he was going to cross the high way and was waiting for cars to stop well the car in lane number two stopped so my son started to cross, but in lane number one the car didn't stop and my son ran into his van. So the man was telling me that he was wondering why the other car was stopped so he had slowed down, but didn't see my son! I am thinking to myself HELLO if the other car was stopped don't you think he was stopping for someone to cross in the cross walk!! I am just very grateful my son wasn't injured. The police officer couldn't believe when he got the call they said no injury because he said that is very unusual that a person on a bike had no injury what so ever! We get all the paper work done and than we were able to go. I told my son to walk his bike across the street not ride and we made sure there wasn't any cars at all! As we were waiting for all the paper work and stuff we saw my oldest son, so we were waving at him and he came back around and I went over to talk to him to let him know what was going on and told him to met us at the house. Oh and the officer tells me you might want to buy him a helmet. I said he has a helmet he choice not to wear it and than I told him yeah you try telling a 13 year old to wear a helmet and see how far you get. It isn't easy beside the fact they could put it on in front of you and than take it off later because "It isn't cool". So anyway we get home and I tell my son, "Do you realize that God was with you today"? Yes I know that mom! Well that was kind of dumb on my part because God is with us always. I should have said your guardian angel was with you! So than I told him see why I want you to wear a helmet worse case scenario is you could have been dead! You are so blessed that God was watching out for you today, because I don't even want to think what could have happened! You guys are the most important thing in this world to your dad and I so I don't even want to think what could have happened! I know he was pretty shuck up and maybe a little scared. I only know I got a few more gray hair and my heart went into my stomach, but by the grace of God my son is fine!! So when you are thinking maybe you can't wait until your kids are a little older just remember it doesn't get easier it only gets harder!! Cherish them while they are young because they grow up fast enough as it is!!!

Why Am I here?

I was reading this post and it was so heart wrenching that I thought about what this person was saying and it got me to think why am I here? I am here because God wanted me to be here. After all God has known me before I was born. I am here for a reason and for a purpose. Sometimes I don't know what that purpose is but I know God loves me and wants me here. Now I don't know the pain this person is feeling but when I read the post it made me ache for her. She so wants to have a child and is trying to adopt and the process you have to go through is greater than you can know. Maybe I do know my purpose because I have three wonderful children I know that was a purpose to be here so they could be born. I couldn't imagine life without them and wouldn't want to. I know I was suppose to be meant to be because I am an only child and God wanted me to be born. My husband was meant to be also even though his father had been fixed he was born anyway, why because God wanted him to be born so that he could meet me!! Sometimes people will say if there is a God why is there so much evil in this world, where is God now! God is everywhere and the evil is satan. Some people just don't have any faith and want things done when they want it done and if you know God he does get things done in his time in his way and we are just impatient about it sometimes! Some people though shouldn't have children when there are so many people out there that really want them and can't sometimes I wonder Why? Some answers only God knows and we just have to have faith and trust in him to know there is a reason for everything even when we can't understand the reasoning around it. I know there is a reason why my son and his ex-girl friend aren't getting married now when we thought it was so right, God has other plans and I just figure there is someone else out there that is the right one. Sometimes are faith is tested and there are times I have had doubts, but I keep praying and trying not to let satan get in my way and sometimes it feels like I am walking right in a really strange wind that I can hardly make it through, but when I do I know that God has helped me to face what it is I am in doubt of and knowing he is always there for me! All I have to do is ask and he will listen. I might not get the answer right away or maybe I think well maybe he was just really busy today, but I know that the answer will come in his time. So I am praying for this person on which the post I read and I hope your dream comes to you soon!

Expressing one self

As much as I would like to believe times change at the same time as I look at the high school kids and hear things my daughter tells me, the more I believe they stay the same. Okay times have changed as far as technology, but as far as the kids No. You have your jocks and your rah rah's that hasn't changed and other groupings pretty much is the same. In every decade there is a different fashion, different hair style, different groupings. So you have kids that color their hair pink and purple or orange or this really bright fushia color. I have seen girls who are ratting their hair AGAIN! I know they have said that keep the fashion because someday it will come back.

My youngest son is just coming to find himself so to speck. He is at that in between age where who you are and what you wear is a big thing. He is a skate boarder so he really likes to wear skate shoes. Not just any skate shoes he has to have vans. They are pretty pricey too! I only buy them when on sale because otherewise they are anywhere from 65 to 85 dollars. He is also into style. So his newest thing is wearing his usual jeans or black pants and his t-shirts and now it is wearing his suit jacket. He has longs hair and it's curly which he hates, but I tell him he has beautiful hair which he doesn't like to hear. He wants straight hair and he wants to dye it black. He also wears those biker gloves you know the ones without the whole fingers. He also painted his nails black. His dad thinks it looks crazy, but I say he is just expressing himself and trying to find his own niche.

I remember when the big bell bottoms hip huggers we called them and the peace sign and smiley face was the thing! Long straight hair. I also remember my dad getting after me for my hair being in my face or my pants dragging on the floor so as much as times have changed they really have stayed the same in a way. The music we play. My dad hated my rock and roll music until I brought home a fleetwood mac album. He liked it. I was in shock. This is a man that listened to the big bands! If we had this saying back than I would have said wheres my dad and what did you do with him!

My youngest son also wants his ear pierced and I think it is because his friends all have them pierced. So the other day my oldest son came over to visit and he had dyed his hair black and had on some skater shoes which I was surprised, he said he got them for 20 bucks at ross. Than he said look up a little higher he got his ear pierced! Well after all he had got a tattoo it was just a matter of time before the ear piercing! I told him not to show his brother. So than my youngest did see it and he was can I get mine pierced. I said NO can I get my nose pierced NO WAY what about my tongue HECK NO!!

So let them express themselves to a degree and let them have their own style but always know where they are and who their friends are!

Passioate

I didn't realize this word had so many meanings until I looked it up in the dictionary. I am passionate about a lot of things and maybe more than I realized after looking it up! Here's the definition:



Passionate: 1 a: easily aroused to anger b: filled with anger: Angry 2 a: capable of, affected by, or expressing intense feeling b: Enthusiastic ardent 3 : swayed by or affected with sexual desire.



So in writing this I would pick, "expressing intense feeling". This could be for a lot of things really! I am passionate about the fact that today is the first day of spring! Spring and summer are my favorite times of year! I love the spring because it is just right as far as weather goes. Not to hot not to cold just right! In fact I wouldn't mind it being spring all the time!! Now I know just because it is the first day of spring doesn't mean winter is over, oh no, in fact we are suppose to get snow tomorow, but as for today it is a beautiful day. I am so excited about spring in the fact I can get out in my yard again and get some plants going and lowes has the spring flowers in.

I am passionate about chocolate! Nothing like biting into a great piece of chocolate it is like a little piece of heaven! I am passionate about my family, but than that goes without saying! There are so many things I am passionate about, but the reason behind me writing this is my passion for a t.v. series. I know sounds pretty silly, but seriously I am passionate about ER. It has been my all time favorite series ever! The sad thing is it is the last season! There are only two more episodes left. The last one is suppose to be 2 hours long. I have been watching this show from day one! I love other shows, but I can't say I am passionate about them like ER! I have watched people come and go and die on this show! They have been like family, I know crazy, but true! I have season 1-10. They have brought back people for the last season even if they died. They brought them back through someones dreams. It is so cool to see all the old people that started with the show. I always ended up crying as well, my husband said I am so silly, but I just can't help myself. I don't think I have watched a show this long, but than some shows don't last for 15 years. So just two more weeks and it will be a rap and I will have to find something else to watch on Thursday nights at 10 PM!

Routine

I usually have a routine. I mean like I do certain things at a certain time or day. I have a routine at home as well as at work. I got thinking about this because my daughter had said something yesterday that got me to think about routine. Last week my routine was all off kilter. My husband was home all week and that just through my routine right off and actually I really didn't have a routine at all last week. It is funny how you get into a routine and not really realize you even have one until something just sets it off. I have a routine at work as well and that usually goes pretty well. Even sometimes at work it gets set of kilter. So my daughter was all confused as to what day it was yesterday because dad pick her up from school. Dad usually don't pick them up on Tuesday so she was sure it was Tuesday, but at the same time it couldn't be because dad is here. Than the day before Monday I pick them up. I usually don't pick them up on Mondays. So I guess I had her all confused. On Monday I also took them to school which isn't the norm either! Goes to make my point about routine! Sometimes when my routine gets messed up it can be a good thing! My oldest son came over and ask if I wanted to go see "Watchmen" with him. He had already seen it, but knew I wanted to go see it too and it isn't a movie for my other two to see so I jump on that, plus being with my oldest is always a nice thing! So sometimes when a routine is off kilter it can me a good thing it can break up the monotony of the same thing day in and day out. It was good to have my husband home last week but not with the circumstance in which he was home all week. So with that although routine is good sometimes it is good to break it up and do something different!

Getting Through

Well last week my husband took off of work because of his being in pain. It is a good thing he has so much vacation time. He ended up having to go in for a C.T. scan, well of course they wanted money because we hadn't made the deductable yet. He was kind of funny, he says, I guess this is the part of in sickness in for better or worse in sickness and health. I just laughed yeah I guess you could say that! I was so stressed out at work last night about taking him in today and not getting any sleep and having to go to work tonight that I just decided the heck with it and told the nurse I was taking it off and put down family emergency. He has been in so much pain and not eatting that I really have been worried about him. I know once this is all over he will be fine, but it is the waiting and getting through it all. Last Friday we went to the movies and after he said lets go out to dinner. We went to Chili's and he had order and than said I really don't feel so good I don't think I can eat, than he felt sick so he went out to the car. I felt really bad for him. When we got home he took his temp. and he was running a low grade fever so he went to bed. I hope he wasn't getting an infection. I have always been a worrier. I worry about the kids even my oldest who is out on his own I worry about my husband I worry about just everything really. I think most mom's are that way we just can't help it! I really had a hard time at work last night and I know with not getting sleep I wouldn't be the most delightful person to work with, so I probably is a good thing, but of course I feel guilty. I know I shouldn't I don't call in sick very often and I felt I needed to be here for my husband anyway. I still wish he would have made this for my day off, but I am not mad at him because I do understand he just wanted to get his done and feeling better. Even though he wasn't feeling all that good last week it was nice to spend the time together. We went to our daughters play one night and than to the movies the next, although I went to see different movie than they did. I went with my oldest son to see the watchmen which was very good. When I dropped him off at the hospital this morning he told me to go home and try to get some sleep, there is no time for sleep. Well at least I don't have to worry about work tonight!

My Husband

Last Sunday my husband informed he was having back pain and so he thought that he had kidney stone again! He gets these at least once or twice a year. The pain in awful for him. Now usually he goes to the doctor after getting an x-ray and he tells him it will just have to pass. Than he tells me he has been having the pain since Friday. What and you are just telling me now two days later!! So I said he better make an appointment on Monday to go see him. Monday morning comes along and he says well I am felling better so I think the stone has passed through my kidney and is on its way. I say well you still should go to the doctor. Of course he didn't and that evening he was having the pain again. You need to go to the doctor tomorrow than I told him. So on Tuesday he called work and let his boss know what was going on and if he could take one of his floaters for the day. His boss said no problem. Well he went got his x-ray done and went to the doctor and he has two pretty good sized kidney stones so now he has to have lithotripsy. So I told him when the scheduler calls to make it on one of my days off. Does he do this, no she called said how about Monday he said that would be fine. He said I just want to get it over with, I am I understand that but I work Sunday night and Monday night so I am going to have to rush home from work take him over to the hospital run back home get my kids off to school come back take a shower and wait for him to call me to pick him up. I am not going to get any sleep that day. I understand he wants to get it over with and maybe I am being selfish, but it is hard to work nights without getting any sleep. That is why I wanted him to make it for one of my days off. Well he also has taken all this week off of work being that he is in pain and felt he couldn't do his job well. It is easy for him because he has so much time. He has five weeks a year of vacation so it was no problem for him to call his boss and ask him if he could this week as a vacation week. It isn't so simple for me to get the night off. I hate that he gets these stones all the time and I wish there was something they could give him so he doesn't. This will be the second time he has had to have lithotripsy. It isn't an invaided procedure, but still they have to put you under and what not. It takes an hour than another hour to recover. He can't drive of course. I am just not sure what I will do. I guess I can see if maybe we don't have enough patients at work and they won't need me. I want to be with my husband, but there are other things like taking my kids to school than picking them up later. If only he would have listened to me!!

Taking Parents For Granted

I have been feeling really down today and was thinking about my parents, well to be more truthful mostly my mom! I was listening to Blue October and it started to make me cry, in turn made me think of my mom. I don't know it might be that it is just hormones, after all it is that time of the month AGAIN! I couldn't stop crying it was so crazy! Than I started to think did I take my parents for granted? Well I don't think I did. The reason I started to think of this was something I read. My parents had always been there for me and now they aren't. It really hits home when I would love for my mom to come over and stay with my kids, but than I remember she isn't around anymore. Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself. No I don't think that is it either. I could call my parents anytime for just about any reason and if they could they would do what ever I had a need for at the time. If I needed my dad to pick up my husband from work or mom to come over to be with my kids they were always there. Why am I still feeling this way? I was talking to a friend at work and she said women grief different than men. She is so right there, and she also told me she still thinks of her mom and she passed away over 20 years ago. When I went back to work after having my children my mom was always there to watch them until my husband got home from work. When I had my children my mom was always there to help me out for the first couple of weeks. It has been a really hard year and it is coming up on the anniversary of her death. I just wonder if I ever told her how much I appreicated her or more so told her enough how much. How much I loved her, how much she meant to me. I loved my dad and I miss him, but I miss my mom so much more. It is like I have this heart ache I can't get rid of, it is like a piece is missing. I am grateful for my family, because I really couldn't have got this far if not for them. I know life goes on, but some days it is almost unbearable I think today is one of those days. Is this normal? Am I losing my mind? Will it get better? I know only time well heal and it might take longer than I think. I know for as long as I can I will be there for my kids no matter how old they are, because that is what being a parent is all about. It has been a hard road with my oldest being out on his own, but he knows his dad and I will always be there for him when in need and I hope that he doesn't feel like he is taking us for granted, because I do know he appreciates everything we do and is grateful.

A Surprise

So I told about the whole thing about my husband doing the bills with me and everything and how it actually made me feel a lot better and not so stressed out! I guess having a little spat and not talking for a couple of days really opened my eyes as well as his! He has always been loving and appreciate of me, but it made him even more so which is great! I really think it opened his eyes to the fact that we do live pay check to pay check, so with that said I come home Sunday morning and he was waiting for me to see how my night went and than tells me to go into the living room that he had a surprise for me! What a surprise wow my birthday is over with Valentines is over why did he get me a surprise, he said it is a just because I love you! Oh how sweet. He bought me a fairy statue for my garden!! In case your wondering I really like fairies!

Now for my next surprise. My oldest son came over the other night just as I was about to take off for work. He told me to wait he wanted to show me something and started to pull up his pant leg, so I thought he had a cut or something that he wanted to ask me about, because even though I am not a nurse I work with nurses and ask a lot of questions so that I know stuff. Anyway, he pulls up his pant legs and shows me a "Tattoo"! I was like oh my!! Did you just get that done today? He said no we got in done on Saturday night! We meaning him and three of his friends. He got the thespian face mask of happy sad. It looks really nice, but I was a little bit surprised!

Two surprises in one week I don't know if I can handle it!!

Just A Thought

I was working with nursemom last week and she was all excited because she is going on vacation. We always have a good time when we get to work together which isn't to often. She was saying how she got done early passing her meds and I said that is because you are working with me!! We laughed. I said well I would like to think that is why you got done early. We talked about her post about the holidays and how she forgot Easter and than we got talking about other things like that day happened to be fat Tuesday! Than I told her the day before was national pancake day and how Russia had this celebration. When you think about it, it's pretty silly some of the days they have! Well fat Tuesday goes into ash Wednesday which is the start of Lent which to me is the begining of Spring! Which leads me into the fact that I know we still have a whole month left of winter. Now I really can't complain because we have had a mild winter or I should say a warm winter, which is fine by me! We have had a little snow, but we have mostly had rain! It has snowed in the mountains where it should anyway! Now we are coming into March and it looks like March is going to come in like a lion! I just hope it goes out like a lamb!

Okay so you are wondering where this is all leading to, probably no where really!! No I wanted to talk about spring because I am looking forward to it because I am taking a couple weeks off from work. I was only going to take spring break off and decided the heck with it I am going to take two weeks! I really need to do some spring cleaning! That is my plan! Plan you say, but you don't plan anything! Yeah I know but I feel I am safe with the spring cleaning thing it is not like I am planning a big trip or anything, because that would never pan out! I hate to plan anything just because you know the saying stuff happens!! I don't like to make list either, which comes back to nursemom. She loves to make list and I guess so does her daughters! She said you make a list of things you want to do than cross them off! I am glad that works for her! The only list I make is a grocery list and guess what I don't do the shopping!! My husband does! Is that great or what!! Now I love to shop just not grocery shopping!

My husband is taking off spring break so we will probably do stuff since the kids are out of school that week and he wanted to go somewhere and I am like I don't think we can. So that comes back to the whole him being angry with me and not specking for two days yeah. So yesterday was bill paying day and I told him he wanted to know what was going on so get out here and see exactly what is going on!! So I paid the bills and he asked question than he got the big picture or at least I think he did and I have to tell you I didn't feel as stressed as I usually do! Of course I said these are the end of the month bills and guess what, March is apond us and it starts all over agian. Can you get why we live pay check to pay check like most working class people. I hope he finally gets it and has seen first hand that is the way it is and it is not like we have extra money laying around! Than you have the kids saying they need money for this and that or you help out your son who is on his own.

So I am looking forward to taking a couple of weeks off and hopefully if my "Plan" goes okay I will be doing some much needed spring cleaning and even though that is work it isn't "Work"!!

Addiction and other comments from other post...

I was reading someones blog about how she decided to give up caffeine and how she had with drawls but she was sticking to it! How she had texted her husband because she really wanted a soda pop! It was pretty funny!

That blog got me thinking about all the different kinds of addiction there are, but they aren't all bad. I mean if you buy dvd a lot you could say that is an addiction. Now I am guilty of that as well as as buying my tv series on dvd! The artificial sugar they put into diet soda isn't good for you either. Now I drink coffee and I have read that it can actually be good for you. Dark chocolate can be good for you. So I don't feel caffeine is a bad thing. I work graveyard shift and I need to stay await, which I usually don't have a problem doing. I am a night person anyway so it works out great for me, but I still need that extra help to keep me going. So good for this person who quit but just thought I would comment about it! I loved the blog it was very funny!

Than there was a post I was reading and someone made a comment about going to the fair and than they said Nevada didn't have a fair, yes we do. It is usually in the summer and it is in Reno. They have the rodeo in June and I believe the Nevada State fair is in August.

Than I was reading about Mardi Gras and how this person buys this pastry and such and she had mentioned the Kings Cake. It is a colorful cake that they usally put in a trinket mostly a placstic baby that represents baby Jesus. The person who gets the trinket has an obligation like buying the cake the next year. My son had a friend who buys the cake every year and they usually celebrate mardi gras as well and so I got to have a taste of it for the first time. This was a few years ago. It wasn't to bad at all. They always have a party for mardi gras and decorate and dress up.

The Road Of Life

Traveling down the road of life has it's ups and downs. Sometimes there are bumps to go over sometimes pot holes. There are twist and turns. There are hills and mountains to climb and sometimes there is a dead end! That is how I kind of felt last week. I hit a dead end with no way to go and at the dead end was a cliff. Sometimes there are these plans that have been made, but that doesn't always mean they are going to happen the way it was intended. Where am I going with this well I will get to that.

My daughter was really sick I said that in my last post, but she wasn't getting any better and this was President's weekend. So I told my husband he should take her to urgent care on Sunday and his reply was, I will see how she is. Okay. This is a 17 year old who isn't going to say she is not feeling better! So I went to work he still didn't take her to urgent care on Sunday or on Monday. I didn't say anything. No here is where things get a little bit hairy. I come home on Tuesday morning after a hard night at work and all I wanted was a hug from my husband. I didn't get it, instead I got I don't want you to go to bed I need to talk to you and I am taking our daughter to urgent care this morning she still isn't feeling better, okay I didn't say I told you so!!
He takes our son to school comes home sits down and just starts saying this stuff that just took me by surprise! I mean I couldn't believe he was saying this to me. So, we have arguement like any normal couple does and usually it is about money and bills and such and everything is said and done and we make up.

So he wanted to know about this bill and that like I never have told him before, well I get angry and yes I acted a little immature but I start throwing the bills at him and tell him if he thinks he can do better go for it! The thing is it wasn't just about the bills and money it was some other stuff thrown in that had really just floored me to not believing what I was hearing. I went to bed because I had to work that night. I didn't sleep to well because of what was going through my mind. When I got up I asked what the doctor had said and she had the flu and couldn't go back to school until Monday the 23rd. So that means the field trip was off that I was going to go with her on Friday. I still didn't say I told you so in fact I said very little.

Now I had broke two of my own rules. 1) Never leave the house angry 2) Never leave the house without saying I love you. I got ready for work left said goodbye to the kids told them I love them but said nothing to my husband. This went on for two days! I couldn't stand no more and finally on Thursday morning I told him we need to talk. We did, I cried everything worked out! He said it wasn't supposed to go on this long. He was supposed to say what he had to say and everything was supposed to be a done deal on the same day. He didn't expect it to go the way it did. So sometimes things happen and we don't expect them to go the way they do and life's road takes us down a corner we haven't been before. Lesson learn? Maybe.

Just another turn in the road of life that sometimes might be a little to dark that you didn't see something coming the other way.

Valentines Day

Valentines Day is for lovers, will not really. It can be a day to just say I love you to your children too! It is the second busy day for people tying the knot. The first being New Years Eve! I kind of miss getting the Valentine cards for the kids to take to school. Now that they are in middle school and high school they don't do that anymore. Sometimes making cup cakes for the class and getting special treats!

So yesterday I went to the store to get something for my husband for Valentines Day! I went to pick out a card which is always a big mistake these days! Let me explain: I like getting cards with feeling and in doing so I am always crying when I am reading these cards! So in picking out a card with feeling I am always hoping the first card I pick up is the card I want, Wrong I read one and it is okay so I pick up another and get a little teary eyed and finally the thrid card said what I feel and here came the tears! Yes people I am a sap and sometimes I don't have to pick up a card I just have to go to the card section and start crying before I even read a card. How sad is that!! I keep telling myself maybe I should only get funny cards from now on, but I always go to those cards that just make you cry!! I was going to get my husband a Plain white T's cd with the song Delia on it because he got me this bear that sings that sing well part of that song and he really liked it! They didn't have it so I got him a couple Beatles Cd's. We were going to go out to dinner last night just the two of us, but my daughter was really sick and I didn't feel right about it, so we will have to do that another time!

So Happy Valentines Day to all! Hope it is really nice for you!