I Did NOT Say Or Do That

I did NOT cry when I got a letter from a good friend and she told me she has stage 3 breast cancer. I did NOT feel bad that I hadn't written to her in over a year. I did NOT cry again when she said her hair was falling out and she had her husband shave the rest of it off. I did NOT get on the computer right away and e-mail her back. I did NOT tell her how sorry I was that I hadn't wrote to her for so long. I did NOT go to the store and pick her up a card and I did NOT cry while reading said card.

I did NOT learn something about my daughter when talking to the counselor. I did NOT cry when the counselor was talking about how I was doing with the death of my mom. I did NOT cry knowing my daughter is depressed and grieving for the loss too.

I was NOT sad that I had to go back to work. I did NOT tell my co-workers that I could have taken another week off. I did NOT cry again when telling my co-workers about my friend with breast cancer.

My husband did NOT get his ear pierce. He did NOT ask me what I thought of my old man now. I did NOT say I suppose the next thing is a tattoo.

I did NOT finish my clean up task from my staycation. I did NOT tell my husband to stop putting stuff on the desk that I did NOT just clean up. I did NOT tell my daughter to clean up the dresser that we just brought over.

I am sure there is more things I did NOT say or do but those are the main ones I can think of right now. I know I have taken this from another post, but liked it so much I thought I would give it a try!

Staycation

YES, this is really a word with a definition! I had a staycation! I have been off work for two glorious weeks now! I did get a lot done that needed to get done, but a whole lot more I need to do. I loved just being with my family, but now come Saturday it is back to the old grind stone we call "Work"! We went for a drive the other day and that was really nice. We did things mostly around the house that needed to be done. I got my flower garden in and that was great! We went to the movies and rented movies and just had family time! Tuesday was my husband birthday and we took him out to dinner. We went into Reno to the macaroni grill! I love that place they have such great food and I love the atmosphere. The weather has been great as well so that is really nice, although I think we are suppose to get a cold front come in, it figures since I just got my flowers in! Hopefully it won't be to bad. I will enjoy the rest of today and tomorrow and than worry about Saturday on Saturday! I really could enjoy this life of not having to work, but unfortunately I still have bills to pay!

Parenting

Parenting is one of the most rewarding and hardest jobs you will ever have! You never stop being a parent even when they move out on their own, when they start there own family. You are a parent for life! It is a 24/7 job. I have to say right now the hardest is when you have teenagers! My oldest is 6 years older than his sister and 10 years older than his brother, so I haven't had two teenagers at once until now! I am dealing with the fighting which is normal, but also I think God is testing me or something. It is hard enough dealing with teenagers because they are becoming there own person so to speck, but to have to deal with all the high school stuff that goes along with it is really trying not only on my daughter, but on me as well. I know where she is coming from because I went through the same crap as she did. You couldn't give me a million dollars to go back to high school that is how bad it was for me. As much as time has change they stay the same. At the beginning of the school year my daughter was writing an assay in her English class and she had wrote that she had thoughts of suicide. Well of course red flags went up and the teacher called her councilor and she called me and I went in to the councilor's office a total basket case! We talked and than at home we talked and her and her dad talked. We had her big brother come over because sometimes it is easier to talk to someone that isn't your parent. We kept a close eye on her and didn't let her stay alone in the house and things seem to be fine. I started to let her stay alone if I had to take her little brother some where and she seemed happy and all that. Well last Friday that changed! I got a call from her councilor and this time she write a good bye letter and gave it to her English teacher. I was in shock I couldn't believe this was happening again only this time it wasn't just a thought this was a good bye letter. I go into the councilor's office and she is in there and she is crying this time which is a good thing because she wasn't the last time. I asked her why she was feeling this way and she didn't know. She said she just had this thought and the best way for her to express herself is to write it down. She didn't know how to approach myself or her dad. By this time I am in tears in disbelief that this could be happening again! I told her she could come to me anytime she has these feelings that I am hear for her. I just don't know how to she said. The councilor gave me an address and phone number to the mental health and I called and they said for screening they take walk ins. Well my husband went over there on Monday and there was papers to be filled out so we did that and he took her over there. If they decide she needs counseling they will send us a letter or call us. How devastated I am feeling right now that my daughter has these thoughts and doesn't know why. I told her you know that this isn't the way to solve anything and she knows it is wrong and she is so scared. My heart is bleeding! When I talked to my husband at lunch that day he was also devastated and ask if I wanted him to come home. I told him we would be okay. Well he ended up calling to let me know he was coming home he just couldn't concentrate. I know that God well see us through all of this! So we are trying to spend more time with her, not that we didn't but just a little more and talking to her about how she is feeling and I hope that she can get some counseling.

Now on to my next devastating moment! Yesterday my son says he is going to go ride his bike so I told him just stay around the area don't go far. Well as soon as he had left I got this funny feeling but didn't think much of it continued what I was doing. Well the phone rang and I went to get it and got this sick feeling when I saw the caller number, it was Carson City City of, my heart just sank. It was the sheriff's office calling to say I needed to go to such in such place. I picked up the phone and they lady said that there has been an accident involving your father, I said do you mean my son is there a bike involved, she said yes I was like Oh My God! She said there isn't any injuries how soon can you be there well I said it two seconds it is just right around the corner! So I told my daughter come on lets go your brother was in an accident she is like Oh my gosh, I said he wasn't hurt! Well he was on the other side of the road so of course when in a hurry you have to wait for traffic! I could see my son and he was with a police officer and he was okay! So I get there and the officer is telling me what happened and I am crying and he said your son is okay he didn't get injured. What happened is he was going to cross the high way and was waiting for cars to stop well the car in lane number two stopped so my son started to cross, but in lane number one the car didn't stop and my son ran into his van. So the man was telling me that he was wondering why the other car was stopped so he had slowed down, but didn't see my son! I am thinking to myself HELLO if the other car was stopped don't you think he was stopping for someone to cross in the cross walk!! I am just very grateful my son wasn't injured. The police officer couldn't believe when he got the call they said no injury because he said that is very unusual that a person on a bike had no injury what so ever! We get all the paper work done and than we were able to go. I told my son to walk his bike across the street not ride and we made sure there wasn't any cars at all! As we were waiting for all the paper work and stuff we saw my oldest son, so we were waving at him and he came back around and I went over to talk to him to let him know what was going on and told him to met us at the house. Oh and the officer tells me you might want to buy him a helmet. I said he has a helmet he choice not to wear it and than I told him yeah you try telling a 13 year old to wear a helmet and see how far you get. It isn't easy beside the fact they could put it on in front of you and than take it off later because "It isn't cool". So anyway we get home and I tell my son, "Do you realize that God was with you today"? Yes I know that mom! Well that was kind of dumb on my part because God is with us always. I should have said your guardian angel was with you! So than I told him see why I want you to wear a helmet worse case scenario is you could have been dead! You are so blessed that God was watching out for you today, because I don't even want to think what could have happened! You guys are the most important thing in this world to your dad and I so I don't even want to think what could have happened! I know he was pretty shuck up and maybe a little scared. I only know I got a few more gray hair and my heart went into my stomach, but by the grace of God my son is fine!! So when you are thinking maybe you can't wait until your kids are a little older just remember it doesn't get easier it only gets harder!! Cherish them while they are young because they grow up fast enough as it is!!!