Thursday, March 5, 2009
Taking Parents For Granted
I have been feeling really down today and was thinking about my parents, well to be more truthful mostly my mom! I was listening to Blue October and it started to make me cry, in turn made me think of my mom. I don't know it might be that it is just hormones, after all it is that time of the month AGAIN! I couldn't stop crying it was so crazy! Than I started to think did I take my parents for granted? Well I don't think I did. The reason I started to think of this was something I read. My parents had always been there for me and now they aren't. It really hits home when I would love for my mom to come over and stay with my kids, but than I remember she isn't around anymore. Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself. No I don't think that is it either. I could call my parents anytime for just about any reason and if they could they would do what ever I had a need for at the time. If I needed my dad to pick up my husband from work or mom to come over to be with my kids they were always there. Why am I still feeling this way? I was talking to a friend at work and she said women grief different than men. She is so right there, and she also told me she still thinks of her mom and she passed away over 20 years ago. When I went back to work after having my children my mom was always there to watch them until my husband got home from work. When I had my children my mom was always there to help me out for the first couple of weeks. It has been a really hard year and it is coming up on the anniversary of her death. I just wonder if I ever told her how much I appreicated her or more so told her enough how much. How much I loved her, how much she meant to me. I loved my dad and I miss him, but I miss my mom so much more. It is like I have this heart ache I can't get rid of, it is like a piece is missing. I am grateful for my family, because I really couldn't have got this far if not for them. I know life goes on, but some days it is almost unbearable I think today is one of those days. Is this normal? Am I losing my mind? Will it get better? I know only time well heal and it might take longer than I think. I know for as long as I can I will be there for my kids no matter how old they are, because that is what being a parent is all about. It has been a hard road with my oldest being out on his own, but he knows his dad and I will always be there for him when in need and I hope that he doesn't feel like he is taking us for granted, because I do know he appreciates everything we do and is grateful.
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2 comments:
i think if you DIDNT mourn the loss of your mom, anniversary or no anniversay, that wouldn't be normal.
i can't even begin to imagine what it's like to lose a parent. most of the time i still wish i lived close to mine. i dont have time to sit and chit chat like i have at times in the past. but i still like talking to my mom, and telling her my thoughts and what i am feeling. it's like she can take my ramblings and make sense of them, when not many other people can. guess that's part what makes her my mom. also - she gives me insight. of course she does stuff or gives advice that i don't take - but most of the time it's sound advice.
your mother will always be your mother, and you will always have moments in which you miss her or grieve for her. you will always have times when something out of the blue will trigger a memory. and it is during those times in which crying is the exact appropriate thing to do. it would be different if you spent every day and night moping away in the dark corners of the room. then you might need help... but an emotional day? week? or month? nah...that's probably normal. it means you're human...
Thanks Emma. It is really hard at times when I would love to pick up the phone and talk to her. It has been a really diffcult time for me. Thanks for the imput!
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