I Did NOT Say Or Do That

I did NOT cry when I got a letter from a good friend and she told me she has stage 3 breast cancer. I did NOT feel bad that I hadn't written to her in over a year. I did NOT cry again when she said her hair was falling out and she had her husband shave the rest of it off. I did NOT get on the computer right away and e-mail her back. I did NOT tell her how sorry I was that I hadn't wrote to her for so long. I did NOT go to the store and pick her up a card and I did NOT cry while reading said card.

I did NOT learn something about my daughter when talking to the counselor. I did NOT cry when the counselor was talking about how I was doing with the death of my mom. I did NOT cry knowing my daughter is depressed and grieving for the loss too.

I was NOT sad that I had to go back to work. I did NOT tell my co-workers that I could have taken another week off. I did NOT cry again when telling my co-workers about my friend with breast cancer.

My husband did NOT get his ear pierce. He did NOT ask me what I thought of my old man now. I did NOT say I suppose the next thing is a tattoo.

I did NOT finish my clean up task from my staycation. I did NOT tell my husband to stop putting stuff on the desk that I did NOT just clean up. I did NOT tell my daughter to clean up the dresser that we just brought over.

I am sure there is more things I did NOT say or do but those are the main ones I can think of right now. I know I have taken this from another post, but liked it so much I thought I would give it a try!

Staycation

YES, this is really a word with a definition! I had a staycation! I have been off work for two glorious weeks now! I did get a lot done that needed to get done, but a whole lot more I need to do. I loved just being with my family, but now come Saturday it is back to the old grind stone we call "Work"! We went for a drive the other day and that was really nice. We did things mostly around the house that needed to be done. I got my flower garden in and that was great! We went to the movies and rented movies and just had family time! Tuesday was my husband birthday and we took him out to dinner. We went into Reno to the macaroni grill! I love that place they have such great food and I love the atmosphere. The weather has been great as well so that is really nice, although I think we are suppose to get a cold front come in, it figures since I just got my flowers in! Hopefully it won't be to bad. I will enjoy the rest of today and tomorrow and than worry about Saturday on Saturday! I really could enjoy this life of not having to work, but unfortunately I still have bills to pay!

Parenting

Parenting is one of the most rewarding and hardest jobs you will ever have! You never stop being a parent even when they move out on their own, when they start there own family. You are a parent for life! It is a 24/7 job. I have to say right now the hardest is when you have teenagers! My oldest is 6 years older than his sister and 10 years older than his brother, so I haven't had two teenagers at once until now! I am dealing with the fighting which is normal, but also I think God is testing me or something. It is hard enough dealing with teenagers because they are becoming there own person so to speck, but to have to deal with all the high school stuff that goes along with it is really trying not only on my daughter, but on me as well. I know where she is coming from because I went through the same crap as she did. You couldn't give me a million dollars to go back to high school that is how bad it was for me. As much as time has change they stay the same. At the beginning of the school year my daughter was writing an assay in her English class and she had wrote that she had thoughts of suicide. Well of course red flags went up and the teacher called her councilor and she called me and I went in to the councilor's office a total basket case! We talked and than at home we talked and her and her dad talked. We had her big brother come over because sometimes it is easier to talk to someone that isn't your parent. We kept a close eye on her and didn't let her stay alone in the house and things seem to be fine. I started to let her stay alone if I had to take her little brother some where and she seemed happy and all that. Well last Friday that changed! I got a call from her councilor and this time she write a good bye letter and gave it to her English teacher. I was in shock I couldn't believe this was happening again only this time it wasn't just a thought this was a good bye letter. I go into the councilor's office and she is in there and she is crying this time which is a good thing because she wasn't the last time. I asked her why she was feeling this way and she didn't know. She said she just had this thought and the best way for her to express herself is to write it down. She didn't know how to approach myself or her dad. By this time I am in tears in disbelief that this could be happening again! I told her she could come to me anytime she has these feelings that I am hear for her. I just don't know how to she said. The councilor gave me an address and phone number to the mental health and I called and they said for screening they take walk ins. Well my husband went over there on Monday and there was papers to be filled out so we did that and he took her over there. If they decide she needs counseling they will send us a letter or call us. How devastated I am feeling right now that my daughter has these thoughts and doesn't know why. I told her you know that this isn't the way to solve anything and she knows it is wrong and she is so scared. My heart is bleeding! When I talked to my husband at lunch that day he was also devastated and ask if I wanted him to come home. I told him we would be okay. Well he ended up calling to let me know he was coming home he just couldn't concentrate. I know that God well see us through all of this! So we are trying to spend more time with her, not that we didn't but just a little more and talking to her about how she is feeling and I hope that she can get some counseling.

Now on to my next devastating moment! Yesterday my son says he is going to go ride his bike so I told him just stay around the area don't go far. Well as soon as he had left I got this funny feeling but didn't think much of it continued what I was doing. Well the phone rang and I went to get it and got this sick feeling when I saw the caller number, it was Carson City City of, my heart just sank. It was the sheriff's office calling to say I needed to go to such in such place. I picked up the phone and they lady said that there has been an accident involving your father, I said do you mean my son is there a bike involved, she said yes I was like Oh My God! She said there isn't any injuries how soon can you be there well I said it two seconds it is just right around the corner! So I told my daughter come on lets go your brother was in an accident she is like Oh my gosh, I said he wasn't hurt! Well he was on the other side of the road so of course when in a hurry you have to wait for traffic! I could see my son and he was with a police officer and he was okay! So I get there and the officer is telling me what happened and I am crying and he said your son is okay he didn't get injured. What happened is he was going to cross the high way and was waiting for cars to stop well the car in lane number two stopped so my son started to cross, but in lane number one the car didn't stop and my son ran into his van. So the man was telling me that he was wondering why the other car was stopped so he had slowed down, but didn't see my son! I am thinking to myself HELLO if the other car was stopped don't you think he was stopping for someone to cross in the cross walk!! I am just very grateful my son wasn't injured. The police officer couldn't believe when he got the call they said no injury because he said that is very unusual that a person on a bike had no injury what so ever! We get all the paper work done and than we were able to go. I told my son to walk his bike across the street not ride and we made sure there wasn't any cars at all! As we were waiting for all the paper work and stuff we saw my oldest son, so we were waving at him and he came back around and I went over to talk to him to let him know what was going on and told him to met us at the house. Oh and the officer tells me you might want to buy him a helmet. I said he has a helmet he choice not to wear it and than I told him yeah you try telling a 13 year old to wear a helmet and see how far you get. It isn't easy beside the fact they could put it on in front of you and than take it off later because "It isn't cool". So anyway we get home and I tell my son, "Do you realize that God was with you today"? Yes I know that mom! Well that was kind of dumb on my part because God is with us always. I should have said your guardian angel was with you! So than I told him see why I want you to wear a helmet worse case scenario is you could have been dead! You are so blessed that God was watching out for you today, because I don't even want to think what could have happened! You guys are the most important thing in this world to your dad and I so I don't even want to think what could have happened! I know he was pretty shuck up and maybe a little scared. I only know I got a few more gray hair and my heart went into my stomach, but by the grace of God my son is fine!! So when you are thinking maybe you can't wait until your kids are a little older just remember it doesn't get easier it only gets harder!! Cherish them while they are young because they grow up fast enough as it is!!!

Why Am I here?

I was reading this post and it was so heart wrenching that I thought about what this person was saying and it got me to think why am I here? I am here because God wanted me to be here. After all God has known me before I was born. I am here for a reason and for a purpose. Sometimes I don't know what that purpose is but I know God loves me and wants me here. Now I don't know the pain this person is feeling but when I read the post it made me ache for her. She so wants to have a child and is trying to adopt and the process you have to go through is greater than you can know. Maybe I do know my purpose because I have three wonderful children I know that was a purpose to be here so they could be born. I couldn't imagine life without them and wouldn't want to. I know I was suppose to be meant to be because I am an only child and God wanted me to be born. My husband was meant to be also even though his father had been fixed he was born anyway, why because God wanted him to be born so that he could meet me!! Sometimes people will say if there is a God why is there so much evil in this world, where is God now! God is everywhere and the evil is satan. Some people just don't have any faith and want things done when they want it done and if you know God he does get things done in his time in his way and we are just impatient about it sometimes! Some people though shouldn't have children when there are so many people out there that really want them and can't sometimes I wonder Why? Some answers only God knows and we just have to have faith and trust in him to know there is a reason for everything even when we can't understand the reasoning around it. I know there is a reason why my son and his ex-girl friend aren't getting married now when we thought it was so right, God has other plans and I just figure there is someone else out there that is the right one. Sometimes are faith is tested and there are times I have had doubts, but I keep praying and trying not to let satan get in my way and sometimes it feels like I am walking right in a really strange wind that I can hardly make it through, but when I do I know that God has helped me to face what it is I am in doubt of and knowing he is always there for me! All I have to do is ask and he will listen. I might not get the answer right away or maybe I think well maybe he was just really busy today, but I know that the answer will come in his time. So I am praying for this person on which the post I read and I hope your dream comes to you soon!

Expressing one self

As much as I would like to believe times change at the same time as I look at the high school kids and hear things my daughter tells me, the more I believe they stay the same. Okay times have changed as far as technology, but as far as the kids No. You have your jocks and your rah rah's that hasn't changed and other groupings pretty much is the same. In every decade there is a different fashion, different hair style, different groupings. So you have kids that color their hair pink and purple or orange or this really bright fushia color. I have seen girls who are ratting their hair AGAIN! I know they have said that keep the fashion because someday it will come back.

My youngest son is just coming to find himself so to speck. He is at that in between age where who you are and what you wear is a big thing. He is a skate boarder so he really likes to wear skate shoes. Not just any skate shoes he has to have vans. They are pretty pricey too! I only buy them when on sale because otherewise they are anywhere from 65 to 85 dollars. He is also into style. So his newest thing is wearing his usual jeans or black pants and his t-shirts and now it is wearing his suit jacket. He has longs hair and it's curly which he hates, but I tell him he has beautiful hair which he doesn't like to hear. He wants straight hair and he wants to dye it black. He also wears those biker gloves you know the ones without the whole fingers. He also painted his nails black. His dad thinks it looks crazy, but I say he is just expressing himself and trying to find his own niche.

I remember when the big bell bottoms hip huggers we called them and the peace sign and smiley face was the thing! Long straight hair. I also remember my dad getting after me for my hair being in my face or my pants dragging on the floor so as much as times have changed they really have stayed the same in a way. The music we play. My dad hated my rock and roll music until I brought home a fleetwood mac album. He liked it. I was in shock. This is a man that listened to the big bands! If we had this saying back than I would have said wheres my dad and what did you do with him!

My youngest son also wants his ear pierced and I think it is because his friends all have them pierced. So the other day my oldest son came over to visit and he had dyed his hair black and had on some skater shoes which I was surprised, he said he got them for 20 bucks at ross. Than he said look up a little higher he got his ear pierced! Well after all he had got a tattoo it was just a matter of time before the ear piercing! I told him not to show his brother. So than my youngest did see it and he was can I get mine pierced. I said NO can I get my nose pierced NO WAY what about my tongue HECK NO!!

So let them express themselves to a degree and let them have their own style but always know where they are and who their friends are!

Passioate

I didn't realize this word had so many meanings until I looked it up in the dictionary. I am passionate about a lot of things and maybe more than I realized after looking it up! Here's the definition:



Passionate: 1 a: easily aroused to anger b: filled with anger: Angry 2 a: capable of, affected by, or expressing intense feeling b: Enthusiastic ardent 3 : swayed by or affected with sexual desire.



So in writing this I would pick, "expressing intense feeling". This could be for a lot of things really! I am passionate about the fact that today is the first day of spring! Spring and summer are my favorite times of year! I love the spring because it is just right as far as weather goes. Not to hot not to cold just right! In fact I wouldn't mind it being spring all the time!! Now I know just because it is the first day of spring doesn't mean winter is over, oh no, in fact we are suppose to get snow tomorow, but as for today it is a beautiful day. I am so excited about spring in the fact I can get out in my yard again and get some plants going and lowes has the spring flowers in.

I am passionate about chocolate! Nothing like biting into a great piece of chocolate it is like a little piece of heaven! I am passionate about my family, but than that goes without saying! There are so many things I am passionate about, but the reason behind me writing this is my passion for a t.v. series. I know sounds pretty silly, but seriously I am passionate about ER. It has been my all time favorite series ever! The sad thing is it is the last season! There are only two more episodes left. The last one is suppose to be 2 hours long. I have been watching this show from day one! I love other shows, but I can't say I am passionate about them like ER! I have watched people come and go and die on this show! They have been like family, I know crazy, but true! I have season 1-10. They have brought back people for the last season even if they died. They brought them back through someones dreams. It is so cool to see all the old people that started with the show. I always ended up crying as well, my husband said I am so silly, but I just can't help myself. I don't think I have watched a show this long, but than some shows don't last for 15 years. So just two more weeks and it will be a rap and I will have to find something else to watch on Thursday nights at 10 PM!

Routine

I usually have a routine. I mean like I do certain things at a certain time or day. I have a routine at home as well as at work. I got thinking about this because my daughter had said something yesterday that got me to think about routine. Last week my routine was all off kilter. My husband was home all week and that just through my routine right off and actually I really didn't have a routine at all last week. It is funny how you get into a routine and not really realize you even have one until something just sets it off. I have a routine at work as well and that usually goes pretty well. Even sometimes at work it gets set of kilter. So my daughter was all confused as to what day it was yesterday because dad pick her up from school. Dad usually don't pick them up on Tuesday so she was sure it was Tuesday, but at the same time it couldn't be because dad is here. Than the day before Monday I pick them up. I usually don't pick them up on Mondays. So I guess I had her all confused. On Monday I also took them to school which isn't the norm either! Goes to make my point about routine! Sometimes when my routine gets messed up it can be a good thing! My oldest son came over and ask if I wanted to go see "Watchmen" with him. He had already seen it, but knew I wanted to go see it too and it isn't a movie for my other two to see so I jump on that, plus being with my oldest is always a nice thing! So sometimes when a routine is off kilter it can me a good thing it can break up the monotony of the same thing day in and day out. It was good to have my husband home last week but not with the circumstance in which he was home all week. So with that although routine is good sometimes it is good to break it up and do something different!