Melt Down

I had a bit of a melt down at work the other day, well let start off with at the begining of my work week which is Saturday my husband came home from work and he had this look on his face, so I ask him what was wrong. He sits down in front of me and says well I just talked to our son about coming over so we could order those glasses for the wedding and he says well I have been meaning to tell you that Rachel is having second thoughts and not to order them right now. I didn't know exactly what that all meant because my son couldn't really talk about it being that he was still working. Sometimes when people tell my husband things he puts more into it and makes out worse than what it is, but I had to work without being able to talk to my son to get the "whole" picture. I did call him to let him know that if he needed to talk that dad and I are here for him. I worked four nights this week and on my fourth night I was looking forward to getting it over with and expecting to work on my unit, well I get to work and I had to float to another unit. I was pretty upset, but I went and two people had called in so the gal that was working was grateful to have me there. We each had ten patients and it was really busy and I was going kind of nuts and just started crying. I couldn't stop. A little later my husband and kids show up with a bunch of flowers!! I thought that was the sweetest thing and couldn't have come at a better time. I was so glad when the night was over and I got home and my husband said how's my girl? I said I am so glad it is over and thank you so much for the flowers it really made my night. He said how did the rest of your night go, I said well once I got settled and I got my mojo on it was ok! I hate when I have a melt down at work it is so awful, but I think having to float and being worried about my son it just all exploded.

My son came over yesterday and I asked him if he wanted to talk and he did so we sat down and I told his brother and sister to go in their rooms so we could talk. Oh needless to say we didn't make it to the DMV, but anyway so I ask what was going on with his girlfriend and he said the wedding is off because she isn't sure it is the right thing to do right now. She has always been afraid of commitment and she wants to be on her own and doesn't want to make a commitment and later down the road think what has she done with her life. Now, my son is talking to me and he is all choked up and I know his heart is broken and all I want to do is make it all better. That is what mothers do and it is killing me inside to see him this way. She has to do this to get her head clear and she wants to move to Indiana. I am like ok here I am going to steel a quote from the mindless banterer "What the freak"!!! Why does she want to move so far? He said because she wants to see places and she feels living in Carson City she isn't going to be able to do that. She said she can get a studio apartment for cheaper than what it is here. I am like yeah and the wages are probably cheaper too. I don't feel right now is the time to be moving and trying to find a job. He said it was a little more complicated and he doesn't understand a lot of it either. I said she is the one who told dad that she was going to ask you to marry her that she felt that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with you. So you start planning this wedding and buying the dress and all the stuff we just got and now she isn't sure? She feels they are too young and she just isn't sure it is what she wants right now, "HELLO", why didn't she think of this a few months ago when she decided she wanted to marry you? I told him I was in unbelief because I have come to love her and it is breaking my heart too, but mostly because of my son. After he left the more I thought the angrier I got. How could she do this? What does she expect my son to do, wait until she has her head together? Than, I felt betrayed and I am not sure if I should feel that. I just can't believe this is happening after all the get togethers, the talking, the planning for her to say now she isn't sure is beyond belief really. All the people I have told and the happiness I felt that my son was going to get married now this. I just don't know.