How Did This Conversation Turn Around..

I had a meeting with my daughters social worker yesterday so that she could up date me on how things were going. She ask me how I thought she was doing. I said right now she is doing great because it's the summer and she isn't in school. In fact she said she didn't need to see you anymore, how ever I did tell her I thought that she really needs to keep going. She thought that was a good response. She wonder where my husband was and I told her with our schedules he couldn't make it. From there I told her about us working different shifts and having different days off. She than ask if my husband and I had a good relationship. I said oh yes he is my best friend, my rock, my salvation! We well be married 27 years in September after all!! She said how she really likes my daughter that she is a great person and I agreed with her and said that my daughter has the greatest heart and of course by this time I am crying! I told her sorry I cry all the time and that is when the conversation turned from talking about my daughter to talking about me and my feelings. How did that happen? She asked if I was a worrier and I told her I am. She ask if I felt like I was depressed. I said sometimes I do feel that way,but it is self diagnosis and anxiety! Sounds like you and your daughter are a lot a like. In a lot of ways we are. We talk about me losing my mom last year, more tears of course. Why I feel like I can't let go of the apron strings. Here I go to talk about my daughter and some how it ended up being about me. How did that even happen? I ended up with a headache because of crying so much I hate that! So it also ended up that I need to let her do things on her own she is 17 after all. She ask about my oldest son and that turned out talking about how hard that was when he moved out. How if i didn't have the other two I wouldn't have even got out of bed. I felt like I got sucked in, here we were supposed to talk about my daughter and it ended up mostly talking about my feelings. I guess it all ties in because she did say my daughter doesn't bad mouth my husband and I like some of the kids do, that is really good to know! The biggest thing is she wants to do things on her own. Right now one of her friends moved away and the other friend is always cleaning house. I don't want her to be out there on her own by herself. I don't know it is really hard being a parent and even harder being the mom!!

Unusual Weather

We have had an unusual month of weather for June. We have had a lot of rain this month and a lot of windy and cloudy days. I read in the paper we were having a El Nina and that to expect this kind of weather for the whole summer. I hope they are wrong about this because it could make for a really bad winter. We had an El Nina about 5 years ago and the winter was really bad with getting snow and than rain and well than really bad flooding. I like the summer weather so I really hope it isn't going to be like this for the whole summer. This brings me to what I really wanted to write about and it is taken from another post. Vacation and road trips.

I remember growing up and every summer my parents would take me on vacation. It was usually to Disneyland. Sometimes we would go camping as well. I have a lot of great memories about the time we spent on vacation. We went on a lot of road trips as well. Or maybe they were just drives, because every Sunday after Church I remember taking a drive somewhere. My favorite place to go was a drive to the ocean. It was a different time.

We have gone on a few vacations with our children, but it is so expensive these days that it is really hard to go any where every year. I regret that we can't take our children on vacation because it is so nice to get away and go somewhere maybe you never been before. A few years ago we had the best time when we went camping along the Oregon Coast. We spent two weeks going place to place. It was great! We went two years in a row. We have taken them to Disneyland a few times and Six Flaggs. Last year we wanted to do something so we went up to Lake Tahoe which isn't far from home, but at the same time at least we went somewhere. The other thing that is really hard is my husband and I work different shifts and have different days off which makes it hard to plan anything. We try to take time off from work at the same time, but this summer we are taking different times off. I still have time with my two younger ones that hopefully in the next couple years we can take a family vacation and go somewhere. I would love to take them to Disneyland and I would love to go to Las Vegas. Hawaii would be nice, but not sure we can make it there. I would also love to take another trip to the Oregon Coast.

It is really sad that times have changed so much that everything cost so much that you can't take a family vacation. Now days you have to have two incomes to make ends meat not like when I was growing up and mom was a stay at home mom and you could make it on one pay check. They had a brand new house and two brand new cars. Times were different that is for sure!

Summer, TV, and Movies

During the summer when all the shows I watch in the fall is over it is my time to catch up and all the movies I have missed, well maybe not all the movies because that is pretty impossible to do. Well it used to be when the fall show were over that was it, but with all the tv stations they have now a days they have summer replacement shows as well. There are so many show that look so good that I know I would like them, but I took a vow to myself that I would stick to what I always do in the summer and catch up on movies. Luckly there are some station we don't get so I am not tempted to take a pick at some of the shows that look so good. Last night we were watching one of said movies and it was over at 10:30PM so we turned on the tv and there was this show called "The listener" we watched to the end and turn on the news. Well they showed previews for next week and this show was good from what I watched. My husband tells me " Oh now you are not going to get sucked into another tv show"! Well than they had previews of another show "Merlin" so I was teasing him about getting hooked on a show if I can't get hooked on another show. Oh yeah I am hooked on so many shows babe I think you have me bet by a long shot I just won't let you get me sucked into liking one of your shows I just won't let that happen. Oh alright I won't get suckered into another show I will stick to just renting movies to get caught up. Honestly I just can't believe all the show out there, of course with all the channels they have these days if you have expanded cable it is unreal. So are you hooked on shows that you just have to watch? I know I have talked about my additciton anyway and I am addicted that is for sure.

Last Day Of School

Today was the last day of school and now the start of summer vacation! Now the sound of I'm bored!! They can't wait for school to be out yet they always complain that they are bored. I keep telling them they should be grateful they have this time off because once they are grown up out on there own they will be working and they will be wishing that they were back in school and having summer vacation. I think it is true about all of us when we are young and growning up we never relize how easy we had it. Having a roof, clothes, food and all the little things that once you are out on your own and have to buy yourself you don't take it for granted. I know when I was growing up I couldn't wait until I graduated. It seems you wish your life away when you are young and don't really get when your parents tell you not to wish your life away. I know I did and once I had children of my own and I have watched them grow up I just can't believe how fast the time goes by. Even though I keep telling them not to wish the time away they won't get it until they are out on their own having to work and making a living for themselves and than they will say I wish I was back in school life was so much easier than. I know my oldest is feeling that now having to do things for himself. It is really hard now days especially. Sometimes when you are young you have all these big plans, but once you are out in the "real" world they plans might not work out the way you thought they might. So I hope my children enjoy their summer and hopefully I won't hear how bored they are too much, I just want them to enjoy their childhood because it sure goes by way to fast!

What I Did NOT Do

Last Saturday which is my Monday I did NOT want it to be Friday which is Monday. I did NOT want my daughter to have a great time on her trip and I was NOT a nervous wreck about her going. I did NOT call her on Monday to make sure she got home safely and she said she did NOT have an awesome time. She did NOT say she wanted to go back. When she was telling me about her trip she did NOT say the same thing my oldest son said his first time on this trip That there was NOT this beautiful park with this pond and the pond did NOT have baby ducks. She did NOT buy me this beautiful mug that does NOT say my mother, my friend on it.

I did NOT have a whole day off with my husband who did NOT take me out to breakfast. We did NOT have a good day together. We did NOT go to our daughters play that night and I did NOT see one of my good friends there.

My husband's car did NOT break down the other day while picking up the kids from school. He did NOT call me to pick him up and he did NOT have to call a tow truck. The Lord was NOT with us that day and it was NOT the fuel pump that went out AGAIN and it was NOT still on warrenty. I did NOT have to take my husband to work the past two days and I did NOT say I don't know how we got along with only one car all those years. I did NOT thank God for his blessings.

My son did NOT ask me if he could go to the movies with his friend on Saturday and I did NOT ask which friend. He did NOT tell me it is a girl and I did NOT say you can not date! He did NOT say she is just a friend and he did NOT say she doesn't like me as a "boyfriend". I did NOT say I would have to think about it and did NOT ask him if other friends were going.

I was NOT driving over the speed limit and I did NOT get pulled over. The cop did NOT ask me where I worked and I did NOT say why. It did NOT happen that it was NOT the same cop that I talked to when my son was NOT in that bike accident. He did NOT give me a break on the cost and demerits. I do NOT have a court date and I can NOT chose to go or to NOT just pay the ticket.

That is what I did NOT do this week.

She's Back

My daughter went to Ashland Oregon this weekend. She was so excited to go and was really looking forward to it. On Friday I told her she needed to pack her stuff so it would be already to go, because she had to get up early on Saturday. I asked her about three or four times she finally got packed, but of course I had to say did you pack this and that oh make sure you pack long pants and take one oh your hoodies with you, she is like mom I did!! Okay just checking. I have always packed her things when we go any where, but I figure she is old enough that I didn't need to check to see. I always over pack because you never know what will happen. I think it is better to be safe than sorry. It drives my husband crazy when I pack! He always says we are only going to be gone two days not two weeks!

The drama class takes this trip every year. My oldest son went as well when he was in drama and he always had a great time. Well of course I was a nervous reck because this was her first trip with out mom and dad hanging around. Of course there was plenty of chaperones on this trip and they have a strict buddy rule. so no worries right? Of course I knew everything would be fine and she would have a great time, but it wouldn't be me if I didn't worry about her! They had an itinerary each day with a lot of free time to do what ever they want. They could go swimming, movies, shopping, dining, but always with their buddies! I think that is really good that they are not to go to town alone. They had to be back in their rooms by 10 PM and lights out at 11PM. This trip is to see shakespear plays.

She called me when she got to Ashland, but I didn't keep her long because the first day there it is pretty rushed. She texted me every day to just tell me she loved and missed me. Well it was finally Monday and she was to get back around 8 PM I was at work so I called and she was home so I talked to her briefly. I couldn't wait for the night to be over so I could get home to see my daughter. I got home and she wasn't up yet. I think she was really tired from her trip. Well we talked for a few and she had a really great time. The plays were good and she had fun going shopping and stuff. They went to this really nice park they have there and had to tell me about the baby ducks! ( the plays she saw were: "Servant of two masters", "Music Man", and "MacBeth") She said the girls she was hanging out with made her buy a dress because they wanted to go out to have dessert. Well that's one thing I didn't think she needed to pack! She loved all the little stores they had there and the places to eat. I am really glad she had a great time! She bought us some gifts and she even had some money left over, which my son never came home with money!

Isn't it funny when your child goes away when they come back home they seem a little different. She seems more mature. I don't know it could be just me! Sometimes it is hard to let your child go, but you know you have to let go of that apron string little by little, but I don't have to like it!

Strange Things Happen

I was waiting for my daughter at the clinic for her weekly meeting and they were having an open house so my son went back to check it out, I didn't want to go so I just sat and was reading my book minding my own business. This guy comes in and was very loud talking about some bill he got and was really upset about it. He was carrying on about it even as the gal told him to sit down she would get someone to come and talk to him about it. It is very nerve racking that every time I go there and wait for my daughter something happens. It really makes me uncomefortable. Well as I am still waiting this lady comes up to me and says Hi I haven't seen you in so long you look really great and that color looks really great on you. I am like who the heck are you? I don't know this lady. I don't know maybe I look like someone she knows and thought I was her. Well than it makes you wonder, do I know her? No I am sure I didn't know who she was. Well than she was going back to the open house and she tells me you are so blessed. Well I couldn't disagree with her there I am blessed. I don't know everytime I go there something happens. I think maybe I should just stay in the car, but I don't want to be rude and the social worker always comes out with my daughter to let me know same time next week. My son stayed back there for a while so I called to see if he was coming back out, I could have gone back to see what he was up to, but I don't feel comfortable around people I don't know and I really didn't want to end up talking to that lady who thought she knew me. I wasn't rude to her and tell her sorry I don't know who you are I just kind of went along with it. Just put me in a really uncomfortable spot. I guess we will see what happens next week.